She Sits Still in Beauty
by Avery Dawnhale
Summary: NM. This is not his story. This is mine. Jasper goes backs to Forks to fix his mistakes and maybe find himself along the way. He didn't mean to reconsider what was wrong or right and he also didn't mean to love her so much as he would have. Read as Bella and Jasper rediscover themselves and finally comes to the conclusion that life and love are both different matters. UPDATES DAILY
1. Chapter 1

**Foreword: **Hello again! To be straight to the point, this story is a **repost. **My Beta and I have tweaked some things in the story, although it is irrelevant to the plot.

I hope to update daily, even though my exams are coming up.

So, that's it really. I hope you guys like it and please review your comments down below!

* * *

**she sits still in beauty**

* * *

**Caged Bird**

**By: Maya Angelou  
**A free bird leaps  
on the back of the wind  
and floats downstream  
till the current ends  
and dips his wing  
in the orange sun rays  
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks  
down his narrow cage  
can seldom see through  
his bars of rage  
his wings are clipped and  
his feet are tied  
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings  
with a fearful trill  
of things unknown  
but longed for still  
and his tune is heard  
on the distant hill  
for the caged bird  
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze  
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees  
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn  
and he names the sky his own  
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams  
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream  
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied  
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings  
with a fearful trill  
of things unknown  
but longed for still  
and his tune is heard  
on the distant hill  
for the caged bird  
sings of freedom.

* * *

**Chapter One**

She's quiet.

She's staring at nothing in particular.

I look at her; her emotions are in turmoil but her face is blank. Maybe a little weary, but she gives nothing away of how she is feeling.

She's just sitting silently on that rocking chair where Edward used to sit.

I want to go to her, to say that I am sorry and hopes she will forgive me.

But I am a coward.

So I sit here on a thick branch of a pine tree near her house.

I sigh.

Bella is still quiet.

I left them. My family.

I know I need to fix this myself, _I need to prove myself._

Yet here I am, just quietly watching her.

* * *

**Afterword: **It is a short chapter...the following chapters are almost as short as this, but know that it does not continue that shortness in the...'more-later' chapters.

Thank you for reading, would you grant me a review, if you will? :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

She didn't go to school today. She's still sitting on her rocking chair, looking out the window. Charlie goes to her and asks if she is okay. She doesn't respond.

He goes away sad, but still with hope.

The house is empty. She breathes quietly. I frown; I want to go to her.

I want to tell her that I am sorry. That I didn't mean for it to happen.

That I didn't mean to kill her.

That I actually feel a kindling of likeness towards her.

But I am a coward.

I sigh and hug my legs together.

Her emotions were still the same.

I wince.

How can she feel this way? It was too strong for a mere mortal to feel.

I make my decision.

I jump down from the pine tree that I was sitting on for a few days and clench my cold, granite fingers.

I brace myself to go to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I knock at her door. She doesn't respond.

I knock again. Nothing.

I opened the door silently. She was still facing the window, still sitting in the same rocking chair.

She doesn't react to the door opening.

I gulp even though I did not need it. "Bella?"

Silence.

I walk quietly towards her. I call out once again. "Bella? Can you hear me?"

She does not respond again, but I can see her slightly shaking.

Pain was still dominant. So is the hurt, broken, and confusion, but the loneliness is gone.

The confusion is reining over her other emotions.

_She's still here. She didn't give up. Not yet._

I walk in front of her and look at the broken girl on the rocking chair.

She is still staring out the window, not moving.

I kneel down, take both of her hands in my cold ones and stay quiet.

Both of us are not moving, just staring; I at her and Bella out the window.

I do not care of the minutes and seconds that pass. I only care for her.

She blinks, she breathes, but still does not look at me.

The sun goes down, little by little, and still, with the seconds and minutes that had passed, she did not glance at me.

Until, finally, I say, "It's me, Bella. It's Jasper."

She blinks again and slowly turns her head to look at me.

She watches me for a few minutes.

Her emotions are relief and confusion. She whispers in a broken voice, "Jasper."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

I do not move. I do not breathe. My eyes are frozen on her.

She is scrutinizing me with her doe eyes.

Does she think I am not real?

She looks me over.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

I slowly smile.

"Bella," I whisper quietly. _Welcome back._

She exhales loudly, still staring.

Her breathing is becoming labored.

Her emotions are running wild.

Her brows are furrowed together.

She moves.

I flinch, but she does not.

I see the long, thin fingers of her left hand reaching out.

…

To touch my hair.

I _have _to blink.

She is careful.

She scratches my scalp.

She plays with my hair.

For a moment,

I felt her peace.

Just for a moment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

She goes downstairs with me. Well, she didn't go.

I forced her to.

She is too skinny, I have to feed her. She sits quietly at the table.

I ask her what she wants.

"Bacon with eggs, please," she says.

I nod my head and start to cook. I want to smile. I am the first one to make her speak, to make her say even a _word_. I feel a sense of pride because of it.

I can feel her staring at my back.

I try to breathe normally, acting like I wasn't noticing it, but it's too hard.

She speaks first.

"Jasper...?" It is supposed to be a statement, though it turned into a question.

I smile and look back at her over my shoulder. "Yes?"

Her mouth opens, though there is no sound. I can see her lips are dry and immediately grab a glass with water in it and I hand it to her.

She drinks it greedily with her eyes closed. I make a decision and sit in front of her, waiting for her to calm down.

She does after a few minutes.

I slowly inject some calm into her body.

Letting her know that I wasn't forcing her to feel these.

She smiles weakly at me, grateful.

We sit quietly and it takes a few minutes for her to speak again.

"Why are you here?"

She does not say it like she does not want me to be here. She's just curious, I feel it.

I open my mouth. I know what I was going to say. It was on the tip of my tongue; I was so ready to say it.

But her eyes stop me. Her dull brown, broken eyes looking at me.

She just _looks._

I gulp. _What am I going to tell her?_ I stare. "I came here for you."

She exhales.

I tear my gaze away from her. I cannot tell her the truth. I cannot tell her that I came here for me, too. That I came here to find myself.

If I did, it meant that I didn't know myself anymore.

Which I couldn't let just accept, because if I loose myself now, without my family and without Alice...

Then there is no turning back for me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Foreword: **Hi guys! Sorry I haven't kept my word on updating daily.

It's just that school, life and you guys not really review makes me not update much. :(

So, here's the deal. If I got at least **6-9 reviews, then I will update. **How's that? Fair enough, guys?

However, to all those who reviewed, favorited, alerted and read: Thank you.

I give you Chapter 6.

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**Chapter Six**

We talk. She asks me where I live, and I tell her I live in the forest with the animals.

She looks at me, brown eyes blinking and curious. "It must be uncomfortable."

"Not really," I say.

She cautiously asks me if I could help her with her studies since it's been awhile that she's been at school.

I frown. I worry for her.

"Of course, I'm thinking Calculus first. Do you agree?"

She silently nods.

After she has finished eating, and I have washed the plates, I lead her to her room.

Her cold, lonely, solemn room.

Her favorite books are all stacked on the corner of her study desk. Her books and notebooks from school are nowhere to be seen.

She sits on her bed.

She does not talk to me.

I smile and sit down on the chair near her study desk.

"How are you feeling?" I ask. I studied psychology as fast as I could once I'd learned to control my thirst. How the human mind works with emotions had fascinated me. Learning psychology helped me to control my power - it was meant to help _me._

I never knew my degree was would ever help somebody else, especially Bella.

"Why don't you tell me?" Bella responds.

"If I do, then there's no point in having this conversation."

She sighs. "Aren't we supposed to be studying Calculus?"

I shake my head. No way is she changing this conversation. "We can do Calculus later."

She closes her eyes and lies on her bed. "Confused, agitated, lonely and... numb?"

I smile. "Why are you confused?"

"Because you're here; because you're the _only _one here."

"When you said 'only one here,' what does that mean?"

"It means I'm wondering why you're here, why you're not with them, why you left them, and why you had to come back just to say you're sorry."

I blink and frown. "You think I came back here just to apologize?" Surely she cannot think of me like that.

She scoffs. "You think I'll believe you if you say that you're here for anything other than asking forgiveness?"

"Well, I'm hoping." I smile.

She moves on the bed and looks at me. "Why are you here then, other than to just say sorry?"

I think about my answer for a millisecond. "Well, since we never really get to know each other when the Cullens -" I could feel a pang of hurt in her emotions when I said the name "-were here, I want to be your friend."

"You left your family, you left Alice, just to say you're sorry and want to be my friend?"

I smile. Well...if she would put it like that then.."Exactly."

* * *

**Afterword: **Well, how's that for a chapter? It's quite longer than the others but still short.

And don't forget:

**If I get 6-9 reviews, She Sits Still in Beauty (a.k.a SSIB) will be updated. If not...well, the update might take longer.**

****Thank you all for reviewing! And don't forget...REVIEW! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Foreword: **Well...*sighs* since I love you guys so much. :)

May I have **at least 4 6 reviews? Pweety pweaase? **

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**Chapter Seven**

I continue my "interrogation," as Bella calls it. We talk for two hours when she finally says that she has had enough of me being Dr. Hale and needs a drink of water.

I get her water and then proceed to teach her Calculus.

Her coming back to life rather than surviving has to be hard, but I know she is trying.

She is trying all she can.

No one is there just to help her.

No one is there just to take in everything she has to say and simply nod at her situation.

But I'm here now.

And I truly did not just want to apologize and leave Forks and be with Alice again.

No.

It just can't be like that.

I want to prove myself, and I don't want to prove it to anyone other than myself.

And maybe..

Just maybe to Bella, too.

* * *

**Afterword: **Thank you guys so much for reading!

Don't forget: **3-6 reviews at least! **

Thanks guys!


	8. Chapter 8

**Foreword: **Oh my... Really?

31 reviews?

Thank you guys so much!

I know you guys HATE the short chapters, and I'm sorry they're so short but in order to compensate for that...I'LL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER AS SOON AS I POST THIS. :) So, now you have two short chapters to feast upon!

Is that good enough?

If not...Well, I PROMISE YOU! I REALLY DO PROMISE YOU GUYS THAT THE CHAPTERS DO GET LONGER!

I give you Chapter 8.

* * *

**Chapter 8 **

**Chapter Eight**

Night time is coming.

I tell her, rather guiltily, that I have to go. We were having so much fun. She looks at me from behind her book and I'm glad that she's reading again.

"Are you..." she begins, "are you coming back?"

I look at her and I just have to smile. I'm glad to finally be needed by someone. Not that the Cullens didn't need me, they did, but they needed me in _so many _ways. Alice needed me to be with her and be her anchor, and the family needed me to make sure their emotions were in check.

It was maddening.

But Bella, no.

She just needs to make sure that I am still coming back.

It's simple.

Easy.

Something that I can promise her.

"Yes, I'll come back."

She smiles her small, insecure smile. I smile back.

"I'll be waiting."

* * *

**Afterword: **Next chapter is coming right up! :)

Oh, and guys, **will I get at least 4 - 9 reviews?** Thank youu!


	9. Chapter 9

**Foreword: **Here is the next chapter I promised right away!

Thank you guys so much for all of your support!

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

I hunt.

There are bears in the distance near the creak; I kill a mother bear and drink. I did it quickly and very clean.

I go and jump up to the pine tree that I had always sat in before and watch.

Charlie came back early. He was surprised that Bella was sitting and reading on the chair near the kitchen.

She tries to smile, but fails quickly. Charlie is too surprised and proud, he didn't even care.

Charlie asks if she wants pizza. His feelings call for a celebration. She warily says yes.

He is so joyous that he bought the best pizza in the store.

I smile. Making progress.

Now, to make her go to school.

* * *

**Afterword: **Hmm...**4-8 reviews please?** Thank you guys!


	10. Chapter 10

**Foreword: **A longer chapter this time...though still not quite long to appeal to your standards. Lol.

I thank you guys for reviewing, alerting and whatever else.

Have fun reading!

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

"Please tell me you are kidding," Bella says, her face still sleepy with sleep.

I tell her that she has to be ready to go to school today. To which she replies with a glare.

"Up you go," I tell her.

I see her sniff and furrow her brows.

"Do I smell French toast, fried eggs, and bacon?" she asks.

I leave her door open intentionally so she could smell her breakfast.

I hope she has no problems with British customs.

I laugh quietly. "Your sense of smell is strong. Are you sure you were not changed into a vampire when James bit you?" I teased.

Bella jokingly narrows her eyes at me before dashing out of her room to the dining room.

I follow her.

When she reaches the dining room her face, which had been pretty sharp, softens gradually. She sniffs and rubs her stomach gently.

I go to the kitchen and grab the Swan's old tea set. The tea pot was hot and I put a pretty good smelling jasmine tea into Bella's cup.

"Am I having an English breakfast?" I look at Bella and see her grinning.

I move my head to the side. I am embarrassed and knew I would be blushing right about _now_ if I was a human with blood.

"Yes, you're having an English breakfast. If you don't mind."

"Not at all. I wish breakfasts are always like these." She sits herself on a chair, waiting to be served.

"I do, too." _If only I could eat. _I set her tea in front of her and dash out again to the kitchen to get her food. I put fried bacon and eggs, a sausage, and two French toasts on her plate.

"What did you put in the tea?" she asks, sipping away.

"I put some honey on it. Why do you ask?"

"It tastes delicious."

"Thank you," I say. "Here is your English breakfast. Hope you like it."

She looks at it and starts munching.

"I like the French toast," she says, after taking a bite of it. "Would you tell me the secret?"

I smile slyly. "I might, soon."

* * *

She is standing downstairs after she has finished her breakfast, showered, and dressed up. She shifts on her feet uneasily. "Do I really have to go, Jasper?"

I raise a brow. "Yes, you do."

She gulps and looks anywhere but at me. "Are you going to be here when I come back?"

I smile and walk towards her. "I will be, don't worry."

She nods her head and walks to the door. The door is already half-opened when she decides to look back and speak to me again. "Will we have a breakfast like this tomorrow?" she asks, quite timidly.

"Only on Mondays, darling."

* * *

**Afterword: **Uhm...** 6-12 reviews, please?** :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Foreword: **Hi, guys! Im back with another chapter!

I'll keep this short and get straight on you guys reading the chapter, but please. **PLEASE READ THE AFTERWORD. IT'S IMPORTANT**.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Bella drives herself to school.

And here I am, left all alone in the house.

I wash the dishes and clean the counter at a human pace. When I am done, I sit down in a chair and _think. _What I am thinking about, I do not know for it was too hard to keep track.

I just think.

Everything is moving too fast. Well, for me at least.

It's been four days. Four days of debating with myself whether to go to her. Four days of watching her in the depth of her depression. Four days of telling myself that I didn't just come here to say sorry to Bella, but to actually take the chance that wasn't even given to me by the Cullens: befriending her.

I just have to stop and think for a while.

I don't know how Bella feels. _Well, _I do know how she feels. What I don't know is if she feels like everything is moving too fast. People don't just slip out of depression and is magically alright again.

I'm scared for her.

I feel that Bella is just acting it out; _trying _to act like she is moving on, but still quite broken on the inside.

I shake my head to clear out the thoughts.

I make sure that everything is neat and tidy before closing the door and running straight to the Cullen house at vampire speed.

I run past the pine tree I always sit in to watch Bella. I run past the grasses and animals. I run away until my feet touch the familiar pavement.

I am here.

The house is still standing. It almost looks the same, but there were some minor details that it had changed in the course of time. Vines are starting strangle the house, dry leaves are everywhere, and I could see that the windows are already dusty.

It wasn't the house I knew.

It wasn't the house where I and my family met a human, met Bella.

It wasn't the house where I and my family met Edward's soul mate.

Who he then left and expected us to blindly follow his idea.

_We're not good for Bella._

I slowly walk up the porch.

_I feel ashamed that I'm different from her._

I grab the house keys from my back pocket.

_She's just lived eighteen years, Emmett! She needs to think this through!_

I have the front door key in my hand.

_I never, ever regret that I loved her, Carlisle! I don't! Stop assuming!_

I push the key to the keyhole.

_You don't get it,_ _do you? I feel her dying just standing next to me. I know every single second that she _is _dying, but I feel like I'm speeding up the process. I... I don't want her to die,but_ _I don't want her to be a vampire. I want her to experience life without me, without us. To take a deep breath and see what she really wants._

I turn the key and hear a click.

_And then... and then,_ _maybe,we'll come back..._

_If she wants us to._

I open the door that leads to the Cullen house, the house so full of memories.

I let my fingers touch the bridge of my nose.

Edward's voice. Edward's emotions. I could feel them again, rushing to me like it was the day of Bella's birthday. The day Edward wanted so much to cry, because he was ashamed and didn't feel worthy, but he _couldn't._

There was no denying it, my brother loved Bella.

His actions, his hopelessness, and his wanting to make sure Bella will not come to any harm from supernatural creatures pushed him to the edge.

I am left wondering if Bella broke the way she did because she had no pictures, no objects, no physical proof of us to cling on to.

Or that maybe Edward broke Bella by saying something to her that he didn't mean.

After all, Edward was already desperate to ensure her safety...

_No._

Edward wasn't that masochistic to himself.

He loves Bella too much.

But what if?

* * *

**Afterword: **Okay guys... I realized I owe you an apology.

It was made clear by a reviewer that asking/or maybe DEMANDING for you guys to review will offer you a new chapter, wasn't right. And I realize that she was right. It was a rude way to interact with my readers, TO YOU.

And I apologize wholeheartedly and will say that this will not happen again.

You guys can review if you want - I'm not forcing you to, and if I get just one or two reviews, I promise you to keep on posting new chapters and not ask nor demand for more.

This reviewer also made me realize that there are other authors who get less reviews, alerts, people who read their stories than I. And I was not grateful of what I had.

**And this will stop today. **

**No more demanding for certain amount of reviews, no more bargaining. Whether you guys review or not, I will continue to post and make sure my readers are happy. **

Now, on to the short chapters. I KNOW, I KNOW that the last ten chapters were waaaay to short for your own comfort, but please realize that** SSIB (a.k.a. She Sits Still in Beauty) is not a full novel-length story. It's a drabble.** You will sometimes get REALLY, REALLY short chapters and maybe long ones.

**Also, please remember that SSIB is being reposted.** I have finished the story, deleted it from FF to fix my mistakes, and I am reposting it again.

So, in conclusion, **I cannot or would rather not change the outline of the story for I believe that in the end whether it may have a happy ever after or not, both Bella and Jasper had endings, may it be happy or sad or bittersweet. **

Thank you guys for everything.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

All has been well these past two days.

We have developed a pattern.

Bella goes to school and every time, with her keys in hand ready to go, she stops and asks me the same question every single morning: "_Will you be here when I get back?"_

And I always answer with a 'yes'.

Didn't she know I promised it to myself to always be here in her house whatever may be?

Oh, Bella. Sometimes perceptive.

Sometimes too dumb for her own good.

Once she is gone, I go and hunt and sometimes go to the Cullen's house. I clean the place, wipe the dust away from the windows, and cut the vines crawling to the residence.

I am always at the Swan's house before Bella. I help her with homework, and after that we read. When she goes to sleep, I watch her and feel her emotions and look around her room.

It has been like that for the past two days.

It feels like a lifetime that I've been with Bella, but still so short.

Like life for humans.

They feel they lived a lifetime, but still feel the need to stay longer.

That's what I'm feeling now.

I don't know her like Edward did, but I do know that we are friends. She asks me how my day was; I answer and ask her the same question.

That's what friends do, right?

* * *

It's now the third day.

The third night.

And something has happened on the third night as Bella is sleeping.

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

I blink.

I reach for my phone at human speed.

I already know what's going to happen.

I already know who's calling me.

In a vampire's point of view, eight days feels like a month. We do not sleep and time rolls slower for us. Especially to vampires who feel sad.

Miserable.

And alone.

I gulp, wanting to prolong this moment.

Everything was going to change if I answer this call.

But I have to.

I answer the phone

"Alice," I say.

"Jasper, I know where you are."

"I know you do."

"What are you doing?" she whispers, her voice cracks. I hate doing this to her. My mate, my Alice.

"I..." I close my mouth and then open it again. "I'm doing what I think is right."

"And the right thing is?"

"Making sure I don't slip up anymore. Making sure that Bella knows I'm sorry and face my fears of being near a human." Already, I don't feel the blood lust I always feel when I am around Bella. I have a theory that it may be because of Bella's depression. The blood stream can be quite infected when depressed, as said by Carlisle.

"And what if you do slip up and kill Bella?"

I wince. "That won't happen."

"But what if it does? What if, Jasper? How are you going to tell Edward that?"

"I don't know." It is the closest to the truth that I can give Alice. I _know _that I won't be able to slip up when I'm around Bella. I know I may snap, but I won't kill her.

No.

No.

No.

It makes me sick just thinking of it.

My mind suddenly comes up with this image of Bella. She looks scared- no. _Horrified. _She is horrified at the sight of me. And it just makes me _sick. _I know in my heart that I couldn't kill Bella. In order to do that, I had to kill myself first because I know that... that _sickness _will be stronger, more powerful, than the blood lust of killing her.

"We miss you."

I don't answer. I can almost see Carlisle and Esme, their faces comforting and welcoming. I feel nostalgic.

"I miss you, Jasper."

"I miss you too, Alice," I quietly whisper. I don't know if she hears it. Why am I whispering? Am I ashamed that I do? Do I _not _miss her?

"Come back home."

I blink.

Slowly, the Earth's axis begins to change and I suddenly know what is wrong. How can I come home, when here, in Forks, everything changed? Where in Forks, suddenly I can talk to a human, to Bella. Where in Forks, suddenly my brother - my idiotic brother - had found love in.

This is where my family had been happy and, _for once, _never regretted why they chose this lifestyle.

No.

No.

Alice is wrong.

"I am home."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Today is Saturday.

It is one of those rare days when the sun has reached Forks.

I am reading a book that I just bought in this old bookstore. Though, it is not really a book; they are poems that were inspired by the wars in Bosnia and Croatia. It is quite a thin book, only forty eight pages. I am so engrossed in it.

_Who will forgive_

_the unforgivable,_

_the hard men_

_with guns in their loins,_

_the overseers_

_who gave the orders,_

_the engineers_

_of a plan._

This verse repeats in my head over and over. I remember the Civil War, did the poor women who saw the slayings of their children, family, and friends swear revenge on a soldier?

I never knew.

I feel Bella sit beside me. I look up at her from the book I am reading and flash her an insecure smile. She smiles, only a little.

She is reading a book, _Jane Eyre. _I raise my eyebrows in question. I never knew she was a feminist.

"I've just finished reading it," she says to me. She is almost jumping up and down in the couch. Her eyes are beautiful and dreamy. I know that dreamy look in her eyes must have been the book's doing. "I'm rereading it."

"Why?"

"Because I rushed it. I was so deeply excited to know more of Jane's life that I didn't read much of the unimportant scenes."

I put my feet on the coffee table in front of the couch. The small book is still open. I have finished reading this book too, but I want to read it again and again to make sure the poems, the words, are etched into my mind. I wish the words, the poems, to be a conscience, a moral, an inner voice. Because God knows vampires don't _really_ have one.

They die with your soul. The soul dies when your heart stops beating because the pain, the venom, has finally reached the end of the cycle. The end of life. The soul is a pure, happy part in every human; if you fill it with rage, guilt, and despair your soul will never be the same. And the conscience is part of your soul.

Conscience is the one that makes you pure. That makes babies clean of the sins and dirtiness of mankind. Because it doesn't know if what he's doing is right or wrong. While when you grow old, you finally see there is good or evil and you always have to choose. And that pretty thing, the conscience inside of the soul, dies thinking: _Why is there me? The one who did this to me surely doesn't have a soul. A conscience, why should I have one if they don't? They are evil and they do not even know it. They do not have a soul or a conscience._

This is how my humanity, soul, and conscience died that day in 1863.

_Death hangs_

_its stinking tongue_

_its tail_

_around corners_

_around crevices_

_death licks_

_its running sores_

_moves on_

_but does not leave._

I feel Bella's warm, welcoming hand in my shoulder, stirring me away from that thought. "Jasper, are you alright?"

"Yes, I just thought of something, that's all."

She clearly does not believe me, but gives in anyway. "Alright."

I keep reading and reading.

Every torture, every death, every pain. My human life flashes vividly before my eyes.

_How can she forget_

_the tigers teeth lying_

_in the vagina of her life_

_When the black beast's_

_eyelids close, the jaws relax,_

_she will stayed locked inside_

_the jungle of her despair._

The rapes. Oh God, the rapes. In _any_ war there were always women harmed. I look at Bella, reading her book quietly. The look in her eyes is full of warmth and life. Slightly broken yes, but that light never wavered. It might have dimmed, but it was never fully gone. If I ever see her eyes lose that light, that hope I will gladly let myself be killed. Bella has affected me that much.

_Would_ _I do that for Alice?_

The question startled me. Would I? Would I die for Alice when her eyes had lost hope, when her personality was no longer bubbly? Would I?

I do not have time to answer, for Bella asked me a question.

"Listen, can I go to La Push? I'm dying to see Jake again."

Jake?

"Who's Jake?"

"Jacob Black, my friend. Can I go?"

The ancestor of Ephraim Black. I wonder if the boy has the same personality as his grandfather.

My smile is tight. "Why even ask me? You can do anything you want- that's not over the top, of course. Like drinking while driving. Well, you can do the drinking part, just let me do the driving." I wink. Oh God, why does sending Bella to the dogs feel so wrong?

She grins and smacks my shoulder with her book. "You could have just told me 'yes'."

"Now where's the fun in that?"

"Hear, hear!"

She stands up, jumping like a little girl and twirling like a lady in the fields. I can't help but give a full belly laugh.

If she's this happy with this... Jake, then so be it. I'll suffer the smell of mutts on her and this odd tight feeling in my chest just to see her this happy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

When Bella is gone safely to La Push, I think.

I think about Alice and Bella.

Alice and Bella.

Alice and Bella.

Alice and Bella.

My head feels like it is going to explode. _Alice and Bella._ I love Alice, that is true. And I love Bella that is true as well. But what kind of _love _do I have for her? I can't answer that question.

And I don't even know why.

Alice.

Bella.

Alice.

Bella.

Alice. Bubbly, little, joyous Alice.

Bella. Serious, thin, broken Bella.

I have to set my priorities straight.

Alice and Bella.

_Alice and Bella._

Why can't I stop thinking about them?

I close my eyes and think of Alice.

Love.

Joy.

Laughter.

_Family._

And now I think of Bella.

Guilt.

Grief.

Love.

_Hope._

I clench my fists. Hope means redemption for a soldier.

_For me._

I've never had hope. Never felt it. Never tasted it.

But with Bella that hope in my belly is growing, flowering.

Family or Hope?

How am I supposed to choose?

I think of Alice, waiting for me on the doorstep. Her little arms are welcoming and loving.

I think of Bella, her eyes holding that hope that I'll come back. Always with that _hope._

And a thought came to me.

Bella's eyes. Hopeful and broken... and underneath all of it was longing.

But it isn't for me.

It is for Edward.

_Edward._

Why have I never thought of him? He is always near Bella. May it be a physical body, a nightmare, a dream, or a memory.

He's always there.

And I know the answer to my question.

_What kind of love do I have for Bella?_

Brotherly love.

"Brotherly love," I whisper to the living room.

It didn't feel right.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Bella left early in the morning the next day.

I tell myself that it doesn't bother me, that I am happy that she's finally going out and talking to people.

I know it's a lie.

I laugh out loud. I decide to clean the Cullen house. Make it look presentable again. The vines that gripped the house were still there, but the dried leaves had been collected and thrown away. Inside, the white sheets that covered all the furniture are gone; it is the house that I once knew again. There is still the grand piano, the couch, and the large television.

Everything feels normal again.

But it isn't.

It never will be.

I shake my head. _Why even try?_

* * *

I am angry.

I blink.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

_How?_

_Why?_

Doesn't she know it could kill her?

Doesn't she care about her life at all?

I am at a loss for words; I cannot even say a simple word to her.

We are in the hospital; her arm is being stitched up from the wound she got from going biking with _Jake_.

I have no grudges against the boy.

But this, this is unacceptable.

She stares at me.

Staring.

Staring.

She's still staring.

I close my eyes and groan. A sign that I am not at all pleased with her.

_How could she do this?_

"Don't give me that," she snaps at me. Her voice is sharp, but not cold.

"What? Do you expect me to just shrug this off?"

"No, I expect you to be concerned about me. Asking me questions, telling me how stupid I am and then I'm going to say something sarcastic and we're supposed to laugh because it's hilarious."

"Got it all planned now? Disappointed that it didn't happen?" I am so close to sneering at her.

"To tell you the truth, I am." She sits up in the bed. Her arm is covered with gauze. Her clothes, thank God, are not bloody. Only her hair seems to be dirty. "I expected you to be my friend, not my father."

"So you think I'm acting like your father?"

"Yes."

I raise my eyebrow. "Too bad then," my voice is icy and gives no room for excuses. _Are you trying to get yourself killed? _"What do you think were you doing when you rode that bike? It could have-"

"I was having fun with Jake, that what's I was doing! Fun actually exists, you know!" Her voice rises up at the end. I glare at her. I stand, making sure she knows that I'm the one that's in charge here.

"It could have killed you! Are you that suicidal?" The words leave out my mouth before I can stop it.

"Oh, didn't you know? I'm conducting an experiment! It's called dying and how good it feels! Do you want to hear my theories?"

I let her teasing pass. How could she? Isn't she thankful that I'm here?

Does she want me to go?

I close myself off.

"You won't be spending time with Jacob Black ever again," I say firmly.

"No! You-"

"You will be at Forks. Not in La Push, go and party with your human friends for all I care. And let myself be clear that-"

"YOU CANT DO THIS-"

"You are not allowed to meet with Jacob Black, any of your _friends,_" I spat the word 'friend', "in La Push. And most definitely would not ride a bike anymore."

"YOU DON'T GET TO SAY-"

"_Do I make myself perfectly clear?" _This is enough. I will _not _be risking her life just for her to have fun. Absolutely not. Everyone could go to Hell for all I care. But she is not _going to endanger herself._

"NO!" she practically screams. Her brown eyes meet mine. Rage and anguish are in those almond shaped, doe-like eyes. I flinch at the sound of her voice - sharp, angry, and cold. Her brown ringlets look like they are floating. I could feel her anger.

Her rage.

Her hate.

Almost the whole room could hear us. They were quite shocked at the outburst, though they heed us no mind. The nurses and patients probably just thought that we are some young couple bantering.

"I don't take no for an answer." I narrow my eyes. I will not be moved on this one. Absolutely not. She can be angry for all I care. But. I. Will. Not. Be. Moved.

Never.

Not concerning Bella's life.

"STOP IT! STOP IT!" She covers her ears with her hands and ducks to hide her face on her legs. Her confusion is raging. She feels shock, and a small dose of disappointment. Her whole body is flowing with anger and...unfairness?

She breathes in and out against her legs, hands on her ears, for about fifteen seconds. Then she looks up at me again.

"_I will not be treated like this," _she starts. Her warm chocolate eyes are now replaced with dark ones. Almost black, they were sharp and icy. "I. AM. A. HUMAN. BEING! AND. I DESERVE AN APOLOGY! I DESERVE SOME RESPECT! I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE A CHILD FOR, I AM SURE, I AM NOT ONE! I WILL NOT SAY 'YES' IF I DO NOT WANT TO AND I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE IN WHAT I DO! YOU DO NOT OWN MY LIFE! I _OWN _IT! STOP PUTTING ME IN A CAGE! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I WILL GET A CHOICE AND AN OPINION IN THIS MATTER! DO I MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR?" She breathes hard.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Me? I do not breathe. I am shocked at her outburst. The emotions raging in her small, but strong, body; the pain in her eyes. The whole room is quiet.

The nurses and some of the women patients were looking at her, unsure whether to take her side or mine. I still cannot process her words for a whole minute.

I blink.

She's still breathing hard.

In.

Out.

A sentence has formed in my mind,my mouth is ready to say it.

_I'm sorry, _I was going to say. I have clearly upset her and a 'sorry' is needed right about now.

But am I?

Am I sorry?

Am I sorry that I tried to remove her choices and lock her up in Forks?

Am I sorry that I want her safe?

She is calming down now.

In.

Out.

Her eyes are glittering with unshed tears. Her hair, that minutes ago I was pretty sure was floating, is now flat against her back. She lies down again. She closes her eyes.

She looks so pale. There are bruises under her eyes.

"Go if you're not going to apologize," she whispers so quietly I know it was meant for my ears only.

Am I going to apologize?

I count her breathing.

One.

Breathe.

Two.

Breathe.

Three.

Breathe.

I walk, hoping it is not too stiff, to the exit.

Leaving Bella alone in the ER.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

I sit again in my pine tree.

The wind is airy.

The forest feels earthy.

There is rain.

It drips onto me.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

I am nowhere to be seen.

The rain is my tears.

The wind is my pain.

The forest is my domain.

I close my eyes.

I do not breathe.

I think of Bella.

I think of _me_.

_I DESERVE SOME RESPECT!_

I hear her voice again.

_NO!_

_I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!_

I feel venom pooling under my eyelids.

Though it never drops.

_Go if you're not going to apologize._

_Go._

_Go._

_Go._

My heart quietly breaks when I finally see the revelation unfolding:

Does she want me to leave?


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

It is Monday today.

Which means her special breakfast.

I cook something different this time, but still an English breakfast, with baked cheese eggs, pancakes and honey and, of course, her favourite French toast and jasmine tea.

The house is quiet.

She is still sleeping.

I do not wait for her to wake up.

I am gone in the forest.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Everything is shattered.

The glasses are broken into pieces; it can never be repaired again. The pieces are in the ground, too sharp to touch. Too broken to fix.

This is what happened to me and Bella.

Shattered like glass.

Too broken to fix.

I don't know why I even try.

I still cook her English breakfast that she loves. Sometimes staying and watching her eat quietly, not knowing what to say. I also stay at night in her room reading with her, doing her homework that she forgot to finish, and watching her sleep from where I sat on the floor near her window. We both knew that the rocking chair is out of bounds for me to sit on. I check on her emotions, worried that she's still having nightmares.

Sometimes she does, but most of the time it is just the emotions of a sleeping human, energizing for the day ahead.

I leave before she wakes up.

I tell myself that I leave because it would be too awkward for me to stay. I know it is a lie. I can take every awkward conversation with her, but I couldn't see her stubborn face that says she is not at fault.

I have too much pride in myself. I didn't want to admit that I am at fault too.

We don't talk about what happened in the hospital.

We don't talk at all anymore.

When our eyes meet, my eyes would always say, _I'll say sorry when you say sorry for what you did when you went to Jacob and rode a bike._

I know she understands, though she just shakes her head and leaves the room.

This continues on for a month.

Now it's February and I have had enough.

I confront her on the kitchen while she is eating her dinner. She looks up at me from her bowl of cereal. I began to speak but I am interrupted.

"If you think I'm going to say sorry, then you're wrong."

"I don't expect you to say sorry. I expect you to tell me and say what a horrible idea it was to ride a bike with Jacob," I nearly sneer.

"But it wasn't."

"Do you have any self preservation at all?"

"Yes, I do. I'm eating and, if you'll excuse me," Bella reaches for her bag sitting on the chair, "I have to go to school."

I am too frustrated to say anything. I just follow her to the door. She gets her keys from the desk, opens the door, steps out, and turns her face back to me.

"I know it was stupid, but I don't think it was a horrible idea. It's stupid and almost '_killed_' me," she scoffs at that, "and I still loved it. I know the consequences of riding a bike and I still continued. I have a mind of my own and I can look after myself. I don't need someone dictating what I do. I need a friend, which you are not."

She walks towards her truck. Once she is fully seated with the seatbelt on and her bag on the passenger seat she opens her mouth to speak, but just shakes her head.

She turns on the ignition and then drives away.

* * *

When she came back home and did her homework, I hear her call Jacob, saying that she'll be in La Push in half an hour.


	19. Chapter 19

**Foreword: **A pretty long chapter ahead! Thank you, thank you for all the reviews, the favorites, the alerts...they all make me happy.

Since it's the holidays, I'll be updating usually and will _probably _finish the story in two weeks time. ;)

Also, to my fateful reader and reviewer: **kouga's older woman**, I hope you're alright and thank YOU for letting me brighten your boring days. I'm glad and happy that I made you happy with this story. All the best wishes on your health!

Now, on to the story...

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

Whenever I need to think, I am always sitting in my pine tree. The clouds are dark, a sign of an upcoming storm. I wonder if the clouds feel the way I do, confused and too frustrated to even think.

So I sit, watching the dried leaves dance with the breeze. The birds chirp, the deer shuffling to hide beneath a large tree, the stream making a continuous noise. And then it starts to rain.

I still sit alone.

My eyes focus on Bella's window. Remembering how she sat, broken and numb. I remember how she would sit still in such beauty. She gazed at nothing, felt nothing, and still looked beautiful.

_Brokenly beautiful._

I hope Alice forgives me.

I see Bella's eyes- doe, brown and warm eyes. At first, in the beginning of this story where I fix Bella, her eyes were dull and shattered. Now that I'm here and trying to fix her, her eyes begin to have this fiery glow, but they still have that broken look.

I wonder if it will ever be gone.

I know what Bella wants.

And I'm pretty sure Bella knew what I want, too.

But why do I have to wait for her to say sorry to me first?

Why do I want Bella to surrender first before I do?

I have my answer in my head: It was because I am a soldier, and a soldier never surrenders first. It is the unwritten, but most prized, law.

Do I want to be a soldier - like I had lived for almost all my human and vampire life - in Bella's presence?

I am done being strong and impenetrable.

I want to drop my weapons, kneel, and cry out to the heavens for such an unfair life.

But is it such an unfair world? No. No. Bella lives. Bella is here. It isn't that unfair. The Cullens are here. Everything I love is here. The world isn't that unfair or cruel.

I try to visualize Carlisle and Esme as I confide in them. When I feel like giving up to the bloodlust, giving up to the world, I always go to them. Always loving and kind, they are my parents and I love them. I visualize them - when I ask for guidance for this problem – as a smiling couple, saying that it is a part of life to be angry and upset. To forget and to love. To be strong and know when to be weak.

I see Emmett and Rosalie, standing side-by-side as mates, friends, anything that either of them needs. I felt their love for the family and for one another.

Then I see Alice, jovial Alice. Pretty Alice. Once upon a time, she was everything I needed, the only thing to keep me fighting. She looks like a beacon of light, of happiness. I couldn't look away.

And last, I see Edward.

I fell off of my pine tree and broke down, sobs racking my body and tears that just would not shed. But the heavens are merciful. The rain, now pouring heavily, is my tears. They are everything. I see them as many things, a spark of hope, a cut of anguish, a drop of love.

I shout, making the ground shake, the birds fly away, the dry leaves stay in its place, and the animals run away.

Edward.

Bella.

Edward.

Bella.

Jasper.

Me.

I

do

not

know

what

to do.

"_He left me Jasper."_

I know Bella did not say those words, but every action, every word, _everything _that she does clearly interprets it.

I do not breathe.

There is no one beside me.

I know this is my grief.

Mine.

_Mine alone._

I hope Edward can forgive me.

I hope Alice can forgive me.

Because

_The way she sleeps brings me peace. I stare at her. So quiet. She would make a fine vampire._

I

_I remember the way I light up in joy to every Monday. I can cook for her and make her happy. It is the only thing I want. Her. Happy. Me. Smiling._

just

"_I WILL GET A CHOICE AND AN_ _OPINION IN THIS MATTER!"_

learned

_I day dream of how I want her to be after this story where Jasper fixes Bella and they all live happily ever after._

that

"_Don't leave me Jasper...Please..." I hear her whisper to the night. She is asleep._

I

_Us doing her homework._

love

_Me reading. Her sleeping in my lap._

Bella

_Bella._

The rain is still present.

The woods are quiet.

I look at my wrist.

There.

The Cullen family crest.

A blazing lion.

I slowly

smile.

I understood Bella's message.

"_Let me stand up on my two feet alone. Let me prove to you that you coming here wasn't in vain. Let me live my life."_

I close my eyes; I do not want to see the woods.

I want to see Bella.

It took me long enough to know that I am falling in love with her.

I dare not think of what Edward will think if I tell him.

This is not his story.

This is mine.

And Bella's.

I stand up rigidly.

And jump up to my usual spot in my pine tree.

And like in the beginning.

Silently watching, waiting for her to come home to tell her that I love her and I understand.

* * *

**Afterword:**

**THE END OF PART ONE**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Foreword: **I know I promised but the lack of reviews is weighing me down. :(

But as promised, here is chapter 20. :)

I hope you guys like it! :)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

She is back.

I'm feeling jittery.

Do I tell her that I'm sorry or that I'm in love with her first?

This

is

too

confusing.

I hear her open the door, put the keys on the table, and walk upstairs.

She

is

coming.

I do not breathe when she opens the door and stares at me, sitting on the familiar floor near her window, my arms hugging my knees. I feel like a child waiting the growling of his parents.

She looks at me just for a few seconds before heading to her study desk and putting her messenger bag on the chair. She stands for a few moments, her nails making a sound on the desk, before sitting down on the corner of the bed to remove her shoes.

I am staring at her quietly.

Petite body. Sharp face. Doe eyes. Cute nose. Perfect thin lips. Hair that seemed to glow and flow all around her body.

I couldn't stop

staring.

Beautiful.

Human.

Warm.

I reach my hand out to her.

She is in the middle of removing her jacket when she looks at my hand reaching to her.

"You okay, Jasper?" Bella asks.

I whimper. I hug my knees tighter to my chest. I do not know what to say.

She discards her jacket on the floor and goes to me, her steps light. She looks like an angel that is floating towards me.

She kneels in front of me, her hand reaching for my outstretched one.

Our skin touched.

_Finally._

I look at our hands and intertwine our fingers together.

So warm.

I keep looking at our hands, not blinking.

I feel her gaze on my face. Scrutinizing, watching.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I'm sorry that I screamed at you, I'm sorry that I took away your choices, I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm so sorry, but I was so worried and I shut down. I just had to make -"

"Ssh..." Bella croons and crawls closer to me, so that our legs are touching and our faces are close.

I am falling into the depths of her eyes.

_Please, don't make me look away._

"I'm sorry, too. I reacted too harshly. Ssh now, Jasper. I'm sorry, too."

Neither of us says anything for awhile.

I look at her.

She looks at me.

She exhales loudly.

She is blushing.

Her heartbeat is fast and strong.

Her emotions are in haywire. Nervous, hopeful, sorry, annoyance and...

_love._

When I feel that emotion- _God forgive me._

I

kiss

her.

Warm, soft and sparks. Her lips, so small, are so perfect against mine. I never want to let go.

Bella.

_It's been so long._

_So long._

I kiss her harder.

She responds back.

I groan.

This is

perfect,

amazing,

killing me slowly.

I will never forget it.

She moves onto my lap. I hold her legs to me.

So, so, so warm.

I

just

have

to groan.

Perfect.

Amazing.

I kiss.

And kiss.

And kiss her again.

She pushes herself away from me, getting air.

I move to her neck.

I sniff.

She smells like sweet blood, Bella

And

_arousal._

I grip her tighter.

She begins to kiss my neck, moving to my face.

I move her face to my lips.

More, more.

_More._

"What are these?" Bella asks me, still looking flushed from our kiss – ahem, making out – session.

"They're grits, darling."

She tastes it.

And then she smiles.

"It's perfect."

And so are the next three days.

I couldn't wish for more.

* * *

**Afterword:** Please, PLEASE. Review! Just leave a smile or a comment, it will really make my day.


	21. Chapter 21

**Foreword: **A long chapter for all of you guys! :)

Thank you for all the reviews and loooveee! They make me happy! :)

I hope you like Chapter Twenty One. ;)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty One**

There is something wrong.

I feel it in my bones.

I can smell it in the woods.

The last few days were blissful and perfect in so many ways.

Kissing.

Laughing.

Smiling.

_Everything._

At nights we lay together in her soft bed, reading a book or playing chess.

These are the moments I live for.

As I prepare her brunch, (since we had a chess match that lasted until quarter past two in the morning) Bella is taking a bath. I smell her distinctly – freesias, strawberries, and soap. I inhale it with the brunch I am making for her, which is a breaded chicken fillet with mayonnaise and buttered rice.

The Swan house, I decide, smells like home.

Crisp paper, old wood, and the human scent that will forever be part of the house.

The water from the shower turns off. I hear her shuffling around and the drops of water as they fall from her perfectly shaped body. _Drip. Drop._

Naked Bella.

I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts.

It still lingers in the back of my mind, though.

Naked.

Perfect.

Beautiful.

Soft.

Bella.

"Ugh," I groan. I do not need an erection right now.

I hear the soft towel on her body, possibly drying her.

This is _so _wrong.

I move to get the orange juice from the fridge. I set it on the table and proceed to get a glass, putting it on the side of her plate.

I hear her shuffle to put her clothes on and, after few minutes, the bathroom door opens and Bella comes out, wearing a pale polo shirt and jeans. I am astonished, is she going somewhere today? Charlie is filling in for a police officer who gotten into an accident, leaving Bella and I _all alone. _I feel giddy with the thought.

She goes and takes her seat. Sipping a drink and then having a bite of food. She is chewing when she was gives me the thumbs up, saying that the food is great.

I tilt my head slightly; she looks like she is in a rush.

She drinks her orange juice again, gagging quite a bit. I get some napkins from the counter and hand them to her. There were drops of orange juice on her jaw, going painfully slowly down her neck to her left breast.

I shake my head.

This is just so wrong.

"Can I go to Jacob's, Jasper?" she asks. Her words are garbled because she spoke while her mouth is full. I can feel her nervousness.

I smile – I hope she does not notice how tight and clipped it is – and injected some serenity into her body. "Sure. You don't have to ask me you know," I say with tight lipped calm. "You can go."

"Great!" Bella says with a muffled voice.

She eats quite fast, grabs her keys, and drives off to La Push.

* * *

I continue to grow restless as the day goes on.

I tell myself that nothing is going to go wrong. That Bella is safe and sound in La Push. I shake my head and pull away the branch blocking my view. It is useless.

I smell some elk in the far west and decide to try to catch it. Momentarily making myself forget as I delve into my instincts to kill and drink the blood of the elk. I also hunt down a mountain lion and a mother grizzly bear.

As I am drinking the grizzly, I hear a scream far in the distance. I pull my head away from the neck of the dead animal in lightning speed.

_The scream._

_It is familiar._

I stretch my senses out, trying to hear and smell what is happening around the area.

I can hear leaves being blown away, small whimpers, and growls.

There are werewolves.

And then,

I smell it.

Oh God, help me.

The smell of Bella and another vampire.

There is nothing.

_I am nothing._

I ran so fast that I think I could have beaten Edward.

I follow the scent of Bella and the vampire. The wolves are still quite far, but they are moving fast.

And in those moments, where everything is broken, where nothing is the same, I quietly pray. I am hoping that He hasn't forgotten me, even though I turned my back on Him so long ago.

_Please, let Bella still be safe._

_I beg of you._

_I'll do anything, anything._

Anything.

_Just make sure she's not hurt._

_Please._

_Oh God, please._

As I run I can hear growls, screams, and blood slowly dripping to the forest ground.

_Oh please._

_Please._

_Please God._

I rip a big branch out of my way. I am so close, _so close._

_There._

I look at my surroundings for a nanosecond. Dead flowers, dead leaves, overgrown grasses. It distinctly reminds me of Edward's meadow.

And I realize it is because it has the faded smell of him in the area.

My heart broke, knowing that Bella has lied to me.

What is she doing here?

_Why is she here?_

There are so many questions unanswered, so many thoughts that I can't even name each one of them.

None of them matter, though.

Nothing.

Blood.

Screams.

Growls.

Coughs.

_Bella._

No.

No.

_NO!_

I crouch low and spring onto the vampire.

I prayed.

_I._

_Prayed._

I bare my shiny, pointed teeth to the enemy.

I scratch him.

Break his arm.

I can hear faint cries in the distance.

It doesn't matter.

I roar and the whole meadow seems to shake. Birds fly away and bright green leaves fall to the ground.

I wish I could cry.

I wish I could kill this predator who is hurting Bella.

I wish Bella could hug me and make this pain go away.

Limbs are torn.

Teeth are used.

Venoms are spilled.

And I still could hear the screams and smell the blood.

I keep on tearing, kicking, and growling at the limp, dark body lying on the ground. Why is he limp? Why won't he stand up?

Why won't he beat me like he did to Bella?

I growl again and kick his side.

I do not hear the screams anymore.

I can only hear small, short whimpers coming from the dark corner where Bella sits. I turn my head to look at her. I can feel her fear, I can even _smell _it. Tears are running fast down her face. Blisters and cuts are on her arms, face, and legs. I can see her hair, sticky and messy. Her head is bleeding.

She gasps and whimpers again, looking away from me.

My heart has broken again.

I whimper, feeling dejected, and walk to where Bella sits.

She needs to go to the hospital.

Now.

I walk a bit faster, but still at a human pace so that I won't scare her.

She backs away into the tree and sobs.

I stop.

Does she not want me to help her?

Why is she so afraid of me?

_Why does she look so broken?_

The wolves are coming.

I can hear their breaths.

They are getting closer and closer by the second.

I need to get Bella out of the forest.

I jog up to her.

She sinks into the tree, hoping that she can just fade away.

There is no time to ask, no time to wonder.

I pick her up very carefully. I can see that she also has a broken hand.

_Oh,_ _Bella._

She whimpers again, hiding her face in my chest. I can feel the hot, wet tears dripping onto my shredded shirt.

So bloody.

So bruised.

For the first time in my vampire life, I want to cry.

But know it's impossible.

* * *

**Afterword: **:'( Now that's just...SAAAAADD!

I know, I'm sadistic. ;)

Oh well...REVIEWWWW! :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Foreword: **Did you guys notice that PART TWO has long chapters rather than PART ONE? O.O WOAAAAH... :)

Oh my, oh my...Thank you, thank you! 100 REVIEWS? Really? Thank you guys so much!

I'm so proud to give you chapter 22. :)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Two**

I rush to the hospital, leaving a trail of Bella's blood.

She had closed her eyes while I was running at vampire speed. There is a wet patch on my shirt of both blood and tears. Bella had fallen unconscious and is breathing hard and deep.

That is never a good sign.

I push the emergency room door open so hard that I thought I could hear the wood cracking.

"HELP! PLEASE, HELP!" I shout to whoever could hear me. I felt feel the shock all around me. I think of how I look: bloody, battered, and like a madman, carrying a broken, unconscious girl who also happens to be the Chief's daughter.

Nurses came and pull Bella out of my arms. I whimper at the loss of her body. _Come back. Please, come back._

The nurses take her away to a room that, I suppose was, the operating room. Feeling emotionally exhausted, I slump down on a nearby chair. An old woman on my left asks me if I want some water.

"No, thank you," I say quietly.

She nods her head and says, "I'll help you pray for your friend."

I feel like laughing. Praying? I tried that and it didn't work. I begged the heavens to make sure she was not hurt. And what do I get? A Bella that's not only bruised and bloody, but who is also afraid of me.

Still, I give the old woman a small smile, feeling that her intentions were true.

A nurse came to me and asks me questions. Her name, guardian, address. All of the things that don't matter.

I check the time up on the wall. It was half past two and I knew Charlie was going to be hearing about this soon. I'll give it about an hour before the Chief's going to run down to the hospital, shouting for his daughter. I put my head in my hands, groaning. I didn't want to deal with Charlie right now, but I couldn't leave Bella alone.

What if there were other vampires in the area?

What if those werewolves get her?

What if that vampire was still alive? Considering I haven't burnt him to ashes.

There were so many possibilities that could harm Bella. So many...

I thought that maybe I should go back and burn the dark skinned vampire. I didn't even think about looking at him. He attacked Bella, which means death. A painless one or a cruel one, it's still death. I will have to ask Bella who the vampire was.

If she wasn't scared of me, that is.

I wait. Nurse came and went. The old woman on my left was sleeping and still no one came to tell me how Bella was doing.

The emergency room door opens and in bursts Charlie, still in his police uniform. He looks dishevelled, tired, and worried. He scans from left to right, looking for signs of his daughter.

I quietly cursed curse and bend my head down. Charlie did not have to know I was here.

Charlie walks up to the same nurse who asked me for information about Bella. I quickly inject confusion into her, leaving me enough time to get out of the hospital.

I guess I'll just have to check on Bella a bit later.

I sniff the air before stepping into the meadow. I could smell burnt flesh and thought that maybe the wolves had already taken care of that dark skinned vampire.

Speaking of dark skinned vampires, the vampire who had attacked Bella looked so much like Laurent. I just need to confirm my suspicions.

I didn't know why I came here. Surely, Bella's house will be a better option. But no, I came here and I don't know why. I sit on one of the massive roots of an old tree overlooking the now-ugly meadow.

Why did Bella come here?

Why did she lie to me?

Why was the vampire out for her?

Why were the werewolves here?

Why?

_WHY?_

There was no answer found in my mind or in the wind, leaving me confused and in pain.

Everything was going alright. I was going to bring up a conversation that will be about Bella and I. Of how we were going to go about our relationship. That was going to happen. Not this. Never this.

I sit, drowning in my misery.

All of this is wrong.

I knew it, but still.

I continue.

I continue for happiness, for Bella, and for me.

It did nothing but give me sadness and grief.

The sun was sinking to behind the clouds and the meadow was beginning to grow dark.

I feel this tugging. I shake it away, it is not important. After a few moments, I feel it tug again. I continue to ignore it, refusing to think. I want to stay like a statue for a little while longer. Still it keeps pulling; reminding me that there is probably someone waiting for me. Someone like Bella. I put my head on my knees and begin to sob.

What have I done?

Why did I lose control? In front Bella, of all people.

It wouldn't matter if it was someone else. But no, it had to be Bella.

It just had to be.

The tugging continued. My inner monster was a masochist, wanting to go to Bella even though there was a big chance that she would cry and beg me to leave.

I stand up. My bones feel heavy, almost like granite. I have to check on Bella, there is no right or wrong, or yes or no. It is a command that I and my inner monster happily oblige to.

That's how hard we both were falling for Bella.

_Shit. _

_Not good._

* * *

Bella was sleeping when I came to see her. I am sitting on the window in her private room. Her left hand was bandaged; you could still see a patch of blood, though. Her head, which was bleeding profusely, was bandaged too.

She looks so frail, I thought. Just like when she was depressed.

I go and sit on the corner of the bed, watching her. The only thing that I could hear was Bella's heartbeat, sending blood all over her body. The intercom downstairs didn't matter and neither did the hundreds of other heartbeats I could hear.

Someone knocks on the door. A nurse, I thought. She opens it with a small smile on her face, carrying medical tools. She greets me with a good evening before proceeding to check upon on Bella. Her vitals, her bruises. The nurse eventually told tells me to give Bella a pill when she wakes up.

"This'll help dull the pain she's feeling," she says quietly, not wanting to wake up Bella. "Poor girl."

"How long does she have to stay here?" I ask my voice also quiet.

"About two weeks. It really depends on how fast she's healing."

"Are her bruises bad?"

"Quite. Her ankle was twisted awkwardly." Why hadn't I seen that? "She suffered a mild concussion and her hand is in bad shape. Not to mention the blisters and cuts all over her body... I wonder what she was put through. Oh, poor girl," she is the nurse said says with sympathy laced on lacing her voice. "Well, I must be going now... Go ahead and sleep, dear boy. You clearly need it."

Then she closes the door behind her, leaving Bella and I alone again.

After a few seconds, Bella groans and opens her eyes. I touch her right hand, the hand that was not broken, and slightly squeeze it.

"Ja... Jasper?" Bella croaks.

"It's me. I'll go get you some water. Hang on, alright?" I say, standing up and getting a glass, pouring her some warm water.

"I... I... fought, y'know. I..." she coughs. "I fought... so hard... So hard..."

I shush her and push some strands of hair out of her face. "Go and drink first, darling."

She takes it, wincing. I help her tip it up, since she was clearly in pain, and she drinks big gulps of it. Afterwards, she pushes the glass away from her and wipes her mouth with her arm, still wincing from the effort.

"Now, why don't you lie down? And then you can tell me, okay?" I say soothingly.

I am glad that I am a vampire and I could separate emotions easily. Outside, I'm what Bella needs. Inside, I'm shocked to see her not afraid of me anymore, but instead treating me like nothing had happened. Well, except that she almost died, of course.

"I fought so hard, Jasper. So hard... It... It didn't work. He..." She sobs silently, tears pouring out of her eyes. "He was too strong... I tried running, but he grabbed me... It... It hurts... It hurts..."

I nod my head. "Here." I thrust the medicine the nurse gave me to her and then got some water to help her swallow the capsule. "It'll dull the pain away," I say.

She nods her head, clearly too tired to speak and swallows it. I inject some numbness into her for good measure. She immediately relaxes. "Thank you, Jasper."

"No problem. How did you end up in the meadow anyway?" I ask, hoping the question sounded casual and not suspicious or hurt.

"I went to Jacob first... But Billy told me that Jacob wasn't there and advised me to not go there anymore... He said... He said I wasn't welcome." She closed closes her eyes, the capsule beginning to take effect on her body. "I decided to go hiking, with the intention finding the meadow. It was kinda a surprise to see Laurent."

"So the vampire that attacked you was Laurent?" I ask. I had a feeling that it was indeed him. I shake my head; I knew this life wouldn't suite him.

She nods her head, her eyes closing and opening. She is tired. I know I should let her sleep, but not yet. I need to ask some more questions.

"Why do you need to go to the meadow, Bella?"

"Hmm..?" She opens her eyes and then closes them again, clearly startled that I was asking a question when she was on the verge of sleeping. "To ask for forgiveness, to feel closure. I don't really know."

My heart stung. Even in on the brink of sleep she could still lie, badly. I let it slip through. I only had two more questions left.

"Are you scared of me?"

"Well... I was. But it doesn't really matter if I'm scared or not. I trust you, and that's it."

"So you were scared?" I ask again, wanting her to give me a direct answer.

"Yes... I was."

"And Bella?"

"Hmm...?"

"If you were to choose, Edward or me?" I do not know what possessed me to say it, but it had bugged me since our so-called relationship started. I am always on my guard, too scared to grow too attached to Bella. Fearing that if Edward came back, she'll choose him. I can't handle the pain.

She takes a breath, opens her eyes, looks at me, and then she smiles. Her whole, pretty smile.

"I don't have to answer that."

"Why not?" I instantly flare up.

"Because I don't want to."

"It's a simple question, Bella! Edward or me?"

"I'm not gonna answer."

I clench my fists.

How dare she?

"I took care of you when you were at your weakest. Fed you when you couldn't eat, hugged you when you were having nightmares. I gave you everything you could possibly need. I healed you! And you can' even answer if you want me or Edward? Pathetic..." I sneer. For me, that meant she still chooses Edward. How my heart broke at the thought.

"Then leave! And don't even dare come back! I don't need you feeding me, hugging me, or whatever the fuck you think I need! I don't need someone calling me pathetic! That's why you're in Forks, aren't you? Because you feel guilty, because you knew that you lost control... because you..."

"STOP! Didn't I tell you that it wasn't because I was guilty? I wanted to make sure you were alright! I came here for you!"

She scoffs. "I don't believe you. If you did come here for me, you wouldn't be throwing in my face that I'm such a fucked up girl who fell deeply in love with her vampire boyfriend!"

Clarity was beginning to etch up in my mind again. Oh, no. Not another fight.

I sigh. "Listen, I'm sorry. It's just that -"

"I don't want to hear it, Jasper," she whispers quietly. "And you're right, you did make me better. But I realized my mistake. It shouldn't be anyone else making me alright again, it should be me."

"Bella..." I say warningly. I didn't like where this was going. "Bella, I'm sorry. I was just shocked and -"

She smiles. Not the smile that I want, but another smile. A smile that wasn't good or bad.

"Leave, Jasper. Leave for good. If you did come here for me, leave. I have to this for myself now."

"No..." I whisper.

I would forever remember that smile, for it was the smile that broke my heart into a million pieces.

* * *

**Foreword: **Oh my! AROUND 2,000 WORDS FOR A CHAPTER? Really, Avery? Really? LOOOOL. :)

I hope I did this chapter justice and PLEASE, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

Do you guys like Bella's excuse for going to the meadow? What about Jasper? Do you feel sorry for him or...what do you feel for him?

And also, just a question: Am I too repetitive? If I am, I AM SOOO SORRY! I didn't mean to annoy or lose my readers because of it...It's just a way of showing/and making it DISTINCTLY known how a character is feeling.

Thank you guys for the 100 review mark and leave your comments/thoughts down below! :)

Love you all!

Avery. ;)


	23. Chapter 23

**Foreword: **:) How are you guys? :)

Keep the reviews coming!

Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Three**

The thunderstorms are so strong that I have to leave the comfort of my pine tree because it is swaying dangerously.

I walk around the forest, thinking.

I do not want to go back to the Cullens in New York.

But Bella asked me to leave.

The thunder roars again. It vibrates in the ground and in my ears.

A sudden picture came to my mind. Hot weather, a big road, a horse, a pretty, white small house, and a human family.

Houston.

I stop moving.

The birds continue to chirp and the wind is still howling.

There are no clothes to pack, no words to say to a friend.

I just have to run.

I escape the Forks' rain.

I pass Seattle.

I stop in Spokane to hunt.

And then go past Montana and Wyoming, all the while trying not to think of Bella, lying in a hospital bed. For if I do, I know I will crumple to the ground and shout to the clouds.

I cannot let that happen to me.

I go to Colorado to buy a cheap-looking cell phone, since I've left my phone in Bella's room. I punch in a familiar number, waiting for it to be picked up.

There are no thoughts inside me, only actions. I can feel different kinds of emotions around me. Passion, hurt, love, annoyance, happiness.

But I cannot feel my own.

"Howdy," a gruff voice answers on the other side of the phone.

I sigh and say the words, "Peter, this is Jasper." I hear an intake of breath on the other side. "I need your help."

"What is it, Major?" The words, supposed to be funny, are said in a solemn voice that I rarely hear from Peter.

"Where are you now?"

"In Georgia."

"Do you know where Jones Creek is?"

"That's your hometown, right?"

"Yes."

"Well then, I do know where it is."

"Good. Meet me there at midnight, this Wednesday."

"Sure, Major."

There is a moment of silence before I say, "Bring Charlotte, too." Usually Charlotte isn't present when I ask for Peter's help.

_I wonder if Peter's confused right now._

I look at the sky above and shake my head fiercely.

_I don't want to think._

"See you there."

"See you, Peter."

Another silence.

"You alright, Major?"

I do not reply.

It takes me three days to go to Jones Creek, a small town in Houston. As soon as I placed my feet on Jones Creek soil, Peter and Charlotte are there, waiting.

Peter walks toward me with Charlotte in tow. "Long time no see, Major." He offers his hand, which I shake.

"Same goes for you, Peter," I say. "It's nice to meet see you again, Charlotte."

Charlotte smiles and offers her hand, too. "You too, Jasper."

"Now, what's the prob'?"

I sigh and look around. There were subtle changes in Jones Creek; the soil is drier, there are more trees than grasses, and barns are nowhere in sight. Still, it reminds me of my human home, where laughter was shared and I could remain ignorant of mythical creatures.

"Have you checked into a hotel or something?"

"Nope. We rented a house," Peter simply says. "Charlotte didn't want to stay too close to the humans, and she saw this pretty house and couldn't resist it."

Charlotte slaps Peter's shoulder, huffing.

"No need to hit the handsome man, Charlotte," Peter chuckles.

I smile at the two mates, suddenly sad. They were so happy, so contented.

"Lead the way then, dear Charlotte," I say.

She curtsies at me, laughing all the way. "Jasper, we were in the twentieth century now. No need to be so formal."

"It's called being chivalrous, Char," Peter shrewdly replies, all the while snickering.

"Which you definitely are not," Charlotte scoffs. I tilt my head, amused. "I wonder why I even married you."

Peter jaw drops and his mouth isn't moving.

I laugh out loud and Charlotte joins in.

"Not funny," Peter says to Charlotte.

She grins and kisses his cheek. "Not funny at all." Then she winks at me.

* * *

The house is colored in pretty blue. It is also in the middle of town. It looks old and battered, but otherwise liveable.

I sit down on a couch and explain my situation.

Peter looks the way he always looks when I say something important to him, ready for battle. Charlotte seemed more sympathetic.

"The girl is strong, Jasper. And strong people always have their breaking point," she pauses and then continues. "And, for once, I agree with Edward. Let her breathe without you. I mean, it must be difficult living with vampires who -what's the term? Ah – 'dazzles' her all the time. Not good for her mental health, I assure you." She laughs quietly at her own joke.

I nod. I am grateful that Charlotte didn't say her name. _Bella. _It hurts too much if it is said out loud.

Peter is silent, gazing at the distance.

Charlotte and I continue to talk, but when dawn came Peter interrupted us.

"Nowadays, a woman can think for herself. A woman can also stand up for herself. Do not think otherwise. For if you treat with her less dignity and not like an equal, you will not only lose her respect, but her heart as well." Peter smiles, a small but very sad smile, and looks over at Charlotte. "I know how much that feels. I almost lost Charlotte because of it."

She smiles and rubs Peter arms, she looks at me and her eyes seem to know more of Bella than I ever could. It makes me jealous.

We talk and talk. I can feel Peter's kinship with me, strong and loyal. And Charlotte's loving and caring emotions.

After a while, probably at midday, Peter and Charlotte stand up. Charlotte hugs me and asks if I can help her with the flowers outside. I nod.

"I'll follow you out."

"Those wild flowers! I seriously do not know what to do with them." She kisses Peter on the cheek and walks outside, leaving us men alone.

I hold out my hand, Peter looks at it and smiles.

Our hands shake, strong and fierce and loyal.

"Don't let her go now, Jasper," he says quietly before moving back.

I smile and walk outside to help Charlotte with her flower problem, all the while grateful that I have a friend like him in this predatorily, cruel world.

* * *

**Afterword: **So...what do you think? :D

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a review! They make me happy. :D


	24. Chapter 24

**Foreword: **Alright, guys.

I'm not here to rant, but PLEASE. PLEASE. Review! I know I might sound desperate (and I might be) but reviews keeps this story and my sanity - whether my writing is actually good or not - alive.

Don't be mistaken, I love every alert, favorite and review that you guys send me.

*sighs* So, please? Just leave a review behind? It will really mean something.

Thank you.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Four**

At dawn, when the birds are starting to chirp and roosters beginning to crow, I go down south of Jones Creek, where everything seems vast and green. There is a big highway in the middle of everything, though cars rarely passed by.

There are only two houses in the south of Jones Creek, one is occupied by an old couple, while the other is abandoned and forgotten.

Both houses have a barn in their backyard, but no animals lived in it any longer.

I walk towards the abandoned house. It is tall, and both green and brown grasses fill the area. There is a huge old tree that holds a wooden swing. The roof is covered with mold and rust, reminding everyone who came across it that it is one of the oldest houses in Jones Creek.

I walk up to the threshold and look around. There is still a rocking chair on the left side of the porch, near the dusty window. The paint on the rocking chair is faded, making it gray. I vividly remembered that it was a crystal white once upon a time. The white house is now grey and old. It is forgotten.

I open the wooden door, it creaked and protested, but it opened. I did not walk into the house, not yet.

_Home. _I dare think of it.

I look around, still smelling the apple pies baked in the kitchen in the left corner of the house. In the small entry way, which led to the living room, there is a long, wooden table that holds black and white portraits of people who lived in the house. I did not dare stare at it longer, fearing that I may be able to see my face as a human. There is also old, battered couch in the middle of the room. Plates that look so old are lined up on top of a grey brick fireplace.

There are four windows on the floor, all broken and dusty. I could also see a dining room that has a long, brown wooden table and chairs that do not only look worn out, but it is also decaying.

I walk towards the right side of the hall where a room stands. The wood beneath me protested, reminding me of its old age. I open the door and I am greeted by the smell of vanilla, lavender, and an unknown perfume.

_My sister's room._

It still looked the same. There is a small bed in the corner. A desk, a wardrobe and some cabinets. There are pictures on every surface, and old books lay disorganized on the dark, wooden floor.

The room is alright overall.

It's like any other day my sister left it. I grip the doorknob. _It's been so long since I've been here. _

_Jasper..._

My ears perked up, hearing my name. It is impossible, I know. No one lives on the southern side of Jones Creek anymore, except for the two old couples.

_Jasper..._

It calls again. It reminds me of how my sister - my human sister - used to call me when she wanted something from me. Sweet and loving.

I close my eyes. I do not want to hear those calls anymore. I relax my grip on the door, look around again at the room that comforted my sister.

And close the door behind me.

Shutting out the memories I do not want to drown in.

I walk upstairs where more rooms and a library are held. This time there when I step on the wood, no creaking was heard.

I am met with a long, narrow hallway that led to a big room that once belonged to my human parents. I am not brave enough to open the door. So I walk on towards another room where my baby brother, who was four years old last time I saw him, slept and dreamed of happy things. There are carvings on the door. Human stick figures are etched on the wood. Names, numbers, everything my brother could think of are written on this door.

Same goes when I step on his room. Everything held drawings and paintings. Some were drawn when he was exceptionally young, proven by the human stick figures on the paper, while the others were drawn when he was aging towards maturity. There are beautiful drawings of people, nature - everything - are placed on the walls.

The bed, which was a small blue bed once, is now a long and narrow green bed in the middle of the room. There is a wardrobe, which also held drawings on it.

My little brother turned into an artist.

I smile, happy, and close the door.

I walk to the left, where the small library is. The windows are cracked and books lay is disarray on the floor, pages open. I can smell faint human scents and know that it was mugged. I sniff again, probably last year.

I go right on the corner and, in this hallway, there is only one room.

_My room._

I walk towards the door; there was a small window on the side that let the sunlight in, making the hallway look older than before.

I twist the doorknob and push it slowly open.

It looks the same.

Clean, even.

There is a single bed in the middle, and two night desks. One holds a candle, while the other holds some books. There is a bookshelf on the right side of the room, near a long, wide window. There is less dust here than in any of the other rooms.

I don't know what to feel.

_Bella would love this house._

I am startled by the thought, but I know that she _would _have.

I can clean it, make it sturdier, and then invite Bella in.

I will cook her the breakfasts she loved so much on Mondays.

I can teach her how to ride a horse.

I can make sure that she wouldn't want anything.

That she would be content.

I go down to the living room.

This house was once beautiful and comforting.

Now it is only haunted by memories and reminds me of the march of time.

I laugh.

Because it is just ironic to laugh.

I make my decision then.

I _will _come back.

I will go back to Bella.

There are no more mistakes.

No more human and vampire.

Just Jasper and Bella.

It will take me another week to get back to Forks.

But I am in no rush at all.

Bella is healing herself.

And I have all the time in the world.

* * *

**Afterword: **So, what do you think? PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW. Please, it will really mea the world to me. Just drop a hello, or a criticism or ANYTHING!

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	25. Chapter 25

**Foreword: **I'm back with another chapter, guys! :D

Thank you, thank you, all for the reviews!

I didn't know that a little pleading and innocent look will all get you on board, *wink wink*

So, please? Keep the reviews coming, PLEASE? PLEASE? *innocent puppy look* PWEAAAASE?

Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Has some LEMONY goodness, though not much. :D

Happy reading!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Five**

I say my goodbyes to both Peter and Charlotte, who plan on staying in Jones Creek for the time being.

"We just love the scenery and peace. Don't worry, though; we won't hunt people here in Jones Creek. God knows people need to be coming _in, _not out," Peter snickers while holding Charlotte. Their closeness has always made my heart ache.

I smile at the two lovers before me. "Thanks a lot, man. I... I really appreciate it."

Charlotte smiles and slips from Peter's embrace to hug me. The hug is not soft. It is marble to marble, and I stop the urge to step back. I am surprised to be hugged by another vampire, it has been so long that I have forgotten how it felt.

"Good luck, Jasper." She pats me on the shoulder and backs away, all the while with that smile on her face like she knows something that we can never understand.

Women.

I want to roll my eyes.

I feel Peter move towards me and hold out his hand.

He has this smile, a smile that is both predatory and friendly.

I smile at him back, glad that Peter is here.

That he is always here.

I also hold out my hand.

Marble to marble.

Vampire to vampire.

Friend to friend.

We both shake our hands.

Peter still has that blasted smile on his face.

He hugs me.

A manly hug.

Not like what Charlotte had given me before. He leans in close to my ear and whispers, "Listen carefully to your heart, Major. It only gives you advice once in a lifetime."

He pulls back, a grin replacing the smile, and ruffles my hair.

I laugh and ruffle his hair back in turn

Peter guffawed and we begin punching and shoving each other.

Boy, did I miss Peter.

In the edge of my eye, I can see Charlotte rolling her eyes at the two men playing on the ground like boys.

"Boys will always be boys. Hell, even when they're more than a hundred years old they can still act like boys."

Peter and I laugh at Charlotte and continue our brawling, while she goes back into the house to resume her gardening.

* * *

I am right; it has taken me a week to get back to Forks. I do not travel during the day for fear that I will be exposed to sunlight. So, I travel from twilight to dawn, only stopping in Wyoming to hunt. There are a lot of animals to choose in the place, allowing me to hunt to my delight.

It is raining when I step onto Forks soil again. I am met with a feeling of love for the place. I have to clench my fists to stop myself from rolling in the soil and laughing out loud from glee.

It is night time, maybe around ten, when I walk, steely with determination, to Bella's house. Up on the left side, where her window is, there is a light. Which means one thing: she is still awake.

From where I am standing, I can hear two heartbeats. One I know is Bella's. Her heartbeat is soft and fluttered, like a bird's. The second one's heart is fast-paced and, when his heart pumped, I can feel how thick the blood is.

I can hear the shuffling of feet and then, in just a second, the window creaks and opens and a tall, bulky boy jumps down without the help of a tree.

I am impressed.

And then the scent assaults me.

Wet, hairy dog.

A werewolf.

In Bella's house.

I shake my head.

_Typical Bella._

I hear a growl; my head snaps to look at the boy, the werewolf.

Jacob.

_Why am I not surprised?_

He is tall, almost six foot seven. His black hair is cut short and a tribal tattoo on his arm. He is in a crouch, an attack position. His breathing irregular. My instincts shout to copy his position and defend myself from the upcoming attack.

I do not.

I hold both of my arms upward, hoping he can still understand me through all the rage and anger he is feeling now.

There is no attack.

Only suspense and silence.

Jacob is still in a crouch, his breathing becoming steadier by the second. Both of my hands are still in up in the air. I do not breathe, I do not move, and I do not blink.

Finally the boy calms down and begins to stand up straight.

We look at each other.

Our eyes were black and gold.

He is beginning to feel calm and able to think properly.

He continues to stare at me.

I stare back.

I should feel threatened, angry, upset, worried for Bella.

But I am not.

It is supposed to scare me that I am not feeling those emotions.

But it didn't.

Having Jacob as Bella's friend is... okay.

There is no hostility between us.

Just calmness and a twinge of gratitude on Jacob's part.

He... He feels _thankful _to me.

Me.

All that is known of vampires and werewolves is being turned around.

I nod, to show him that I feel it, but do not completely understand why he should be thankful to me.

He nods back, stares at me for a second, and then runs into the forest, becoming nothing but a blur.

I shuffle my feet on the grass. Well, at least we kept _that _rule; the one where werewolves and vampires don't talk to each other at all.

I walk up to the window and see Bella pacing, clearly annoyed. She stomps her foot and I let out a small chuckle that Bella can't hear.

She looks adorable.

…

Is _adorable _in my vocabulary?

Well, I guess it is now.

I knock on the window softly. I see her back flinch, clearly surprised. She then turns around, her hair swinging madly wherever she went.

She's beautiful.

There are so many things that I had missed when I was gone. The beauty of humans is that they always change, may it be physical or emotional, everything changes for them.

And Bella has changed a lot.

There are bags under her eyes, and seem a bit dull. She seems skinnier too; her bones are starting to show in her neck and arms. Her hair that had a life of its own seems sick now, since the red highlights, that I love so much, do not show in the bright glare of her room.

But still, she looks beautiful to me.

Her sick hair seems longer now, her cheeks have a tinge of blush on them, her stance seems confident and sure (something that made me radiate pride and joy) and her eyes, even though dull, have this pure, hot flame in them. It drew me in.

"Jasper?" she rasps out. "Are you really here?"

I nod. I am drowning in her and it will probably take me a few seconds to get back to the surface. She walks towards me, her steps still unsure and clumsy, but I do not care.

This is Bella.

_Bella_

Her name seems so divine that I can't speak it, let alone think of it. The simple thought of her name fills me with endless light, a light that I will happily burn in.

She walks right towards me. When there is no space between us anymore, she smiles and reaches her hand towards my face, feeling me, caressing me. I tilt my head towards her hand, wanting more, needing more.

She smiles.

There is no dullness in her eyes.

Her hair isn't that sick anymore.

And her body seems fuller.

More beautiful.

If that can even happen.

Her scent.

Her beauty.

Her emotions.

Her blood.

And the thump of her heart.

Everything is blanketing me. I purr; something I rarely do.

She giggles, a small giggle that makes my heart clench in such a good way that I purr again.

So Bella likes the cuddly animal side of me, huh?

I can give her that.

I can give her anything.

"Jasper?"

"Hmm..?"

"Whatever I say, don't leave me again."

I smile a cheesy southern smile that I know will make her knees drop. "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

She is hot.

So, so hot.

I trace patterns on her naked waist, loving the way she shivers at the simple touch. I kiss her, again and again. Not stopping until I know that her lips are bruised and red, and her cheeks produce that lovely blush.

Warm..._hot._

I pull her towards me and move my hand from her hips to her thighs, tracing patterns all the way. I hear her whimper and I growl, kissing her again.

Her small hands grasp my naked chest, pulling us together tightly. There is no noise except our labored breathing, and our kisses and skin colliding together, wanting to forever be glued to one another.

Both of my hands find Bella's bare chest, save the bra, and I play with her left breast, teasing her. I want to chuckle when her whole body arches to me.

"Jasper..."

"Shh... shh... baby."

"Ugh..."

I go down to Bella's body, not at all bothered that both of our upper torsos are bare to the world.

I let her lead the way. If she wants to make another step, she will inform me. If she does not want to, then we will stay at this level.

And my, am I happy to be at this level.

We kiss each other, getting rougher by the minute.

These are the lost kisses.

This is the endless misery we have to suffer until we can reach each other's arms.

This is everything.

A second.

A minute.

An hour.

We lay in each other's arms.

My head is on her stomach, my arms are hugging her waist, and she is playing with my hair when I hear her speak, "Do you know what Jacob is?"

I am not surprised by her train of thought. Bella always did have a vampire mind, thinking many things at the same time.

I nod my head and press my head harder into her hand, missing the way she plays with my hair. She smiles and continues playing with my hair.

I purr again.

"Will you tell me?" Her voice is so soft when she asks the question.

I blink. She is still playing with my hair, making me forget about everything but her. She asks me again.

"Will you tell me, Jasper?"

I blink again and purr because I just love her playing with my hair.

And I shake my head no.

"Why would I tell you when you already know what he is?"

She chuckles. "That's what Jacob said, too."

* * *

**Afterword: **So...what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Simply want to comment?

REVIEW DOWN BELOW! :)

Thank you all so much and hang on for the other chapter.


	26. Chapter 26

**Foreword: **OH MY! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a looong time! Holidays, exams and school are just taking all my time. (It's the last term before summer holidays!)

I hope you like this new chapter and PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. :)

I give you Chapter 26. :D

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Bella is sleeping comfortably under her blankets, muttering about 'Jacob' and 'The Cold Ones', when I decide to go hunting.

I grab a pen and a paper and write: _Hunting. Scream if you need me. :)_

I leap out the window and run to the tree line, vanishing into the woods.

* * *

She is pacing in her room when I knock on her window. She opens the latch, but she does not greet me. She just keeps on pacing.

Back and forth.

If I was not a vampire, I would probably have a headache from watching her repeat the action.

_Well, she didn't scream. _I think ruefully.

"Water?" I ask, just filling the silence.

She stops walking and whirls her head, giving me a look and before continuing her walking.

Well, that went well.

Hmm... perhaps. "Ice Cream?" I offer.

She groans and stomps her foot on the ground. "No, okay! No!" she screeches.

I jump back a bit and my eyes widen. But I thought... I thought girls like ice cream when they're feeling vexed?

I guess I am wrong.

I stay still for a few minutes, not wanting to anger Bella anymore than she already is.

She paces again, muttering the entire time.

She is groaning and running her hands through her hair, until finally, she stops moving. She shifts her feet back and forth.

"Why are you nervous?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Jacob's a werewolf, isn't he?"

I grin.

That's was why she was feeling vexed?

I bit my life, hiding my laughter.

_Oh, Bella. _

"Ugh," she moves and sits on the corner of her bed. "I knew it... I knew it."

"Do you want to go and visit him?"

She looks up at me. "Is it okay?"

"Go. I have stuff to do anyway."

She hugs me quickly and goes to her closet to grab a red jacket. "Thanks, Jasper."

The door is already open before I can form a reply.

* * *

As Bella drives herself to La Push, I run into the forest, not stopping until I reach the boundary line.

"I mean no harm." I say to the forest, knowing that the wolves of La Push can hear me. There are whimpers and shuffles all around.

I have to admit the adolescent wolves know what they are doing.

They are stealthy, quick, and almost silent.

Almost.

"I know you can hear me. I wish to talk to the Alpha." There are growls that followed. "Hear me out... please."

I heard a sigh, and then growls came. The shuffles grow louder; they are not trying to pretend anymore.

In my head, I sigh in frustration. These wolves aren't going to be be swayed easily. "It's about the vampire that's after Bella." I hear a roar from one of the wolves (I am guessing it is Jacob) before another wolf roars again. The second roar sways the woods with the sheer force of it. "I have information you need."

All I can hear are low whimpers, growls, and barks. In agitation, I move back and forth at a speed that no human can see. The wolves are getting closer. I can feel them already.

I stop and blink.

I have never been in the presence of shape-shifters, much less when they are in their wolf form. I never knew they are this fascinating. _Curiosity, prejudice, anger, protectiveness. _Everything all rolled into one.

One person.

One wolf.

One pack.

Being humans that can turn into wolves aside, they are a pack. Being a wolf is part of them.

"State what you know, leech."

I return back to reality and see wolves in a formation around me. The Alpha, Bella said his name was Sam, is the one that spoke to me. His nose is wrinkled in disgust.

I can say the same.

They smell disgusting.

Like wet dog.

_A lot of wet dogs._

I mentally roll my eyes. Must they insult me with such petty words? "I know you saw me kill Laurent. There is -"

"Who the fuck is Laurent?"

"It's the dark-skinned vampire in the woods." I glare at him. They are pushing it. First calling me a leech, next interrupting me, and now say bad words to my face? God knows I don't need to hear any more of those vile words. I hear it enough from ignorant humans. "Now, as I was saying before I was _rudely,_" growls and threatening steps towards me came from the other side of the line, but Sam stops them with a look, "interrupted. There's another vampire you should be worried about."

"We know," Sam said, his voice dripping with malice. "Is that all you wanted to inform us?"

I smile a bit too cruelly. "Yes, her name is Victoria. She's a red-head and she's after Bella."

The whole pack, including Sam who is human, growled. Sam's shoulder is shaking and his eyes are unfocused.

I inject calm into them, not wanting to have a row with a pack of werewolves right now. There are more important things. Bella's safety... Edward... Alice...Victoria.

It sometimes seems too much for me to handle.

Too much.

"Whatever you're doing, leech, stop it _fucking_ right now. I don't need a fucking leech's help," Sam spat out, which followed with some growls and shaking from the wolves behind him.

What has Bella gotten herself into, conversing with wolves that are so volatile?

"I'm sorry. I mean no harm."

I wait for Sam to get his bearings. "Why does the leech want to kill her?"

"Edward killed Victoria's mate. She wants to get back at Edward by killing Bella."

"Like, a mate for a mate, you mean?"

I bristle. "Bella is not Edward's mate." _She's mine._

He rolls his eyes. "Does it make a difference? This red-headed leech wants Bella dead, one way or another." Sam walks forward. So, so close to the boundary line, that with just one step he would be in Cullen territory. "Now... what do you want?"

"What makes you think I want something?"

"Leeches are all the same. They give and they take."

I chuckle. "Smart. You're right; I do want something in return." Putting my hands in my pockets I move toward the boundary line. The growls got so loud that they became barks. Their teeth are bared in spite.

Sam and I stood facing each other. He is bulky and the same height as me. I stare at him with my glowing eyes. Wanting him to know... needing him to know that I am serious.

I need their help.

Only God knows how many vampires are roaming around other than Victoria.

"Give Bella your protection."

* * *

**Afterword: **So...? It was kinda a filler chapter, but I hope you all like it! And please, please! Leave a review down below. :D


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

To my surprise, they agreed.

Wolves patrolled around Bella's house day and night. Vigilant and stealthy.

Even though the wolves agreed to what I wanted, it didn't mean that I am already a friend of theirs, maybe even a stranger. No, I am still the enemy. There are sneers, growls, and jaws snapping straight in my direction. Feeling their prejudice and disgust for me didn't help things. It only made it more unbearable.

I sigh.

What I do for Bella.

Speaking of Bella, she's happier these days. She smiles, she talks, she cooks. Everything is starting to go back to normal but not quite.

There is a glint in her eye.

A sparkle, a shimmer, that I didn't know.

I want to ask her where she got it, but I'm too scared. What if Bella goes back to being depressed? I can't handle feeling those emotions from her again.

Too much. It is sometimes all too much.

* * *

When she sleeps, I walk up to the window and sit on the window pane. There are no stars in Forks, no small shiny things up the sky. Only grey dullness and the big silver moon. I blink, a memorized action for acting like a human for all these years, and I see the big moon turn red.

Blood red.

Victoria.

I mentally shove those thoughts away.

Bella will be safe. She has to be safe.

I look at the sleeping, peaceful figure lying on the bed. Eyes closed, gently breathing, soft and fragile skin.

"Jasper..." she whispers into the night.

To me.

Does she know that I'm staring at her?

Does she feel it?

She feels so calm.

I am drawn to her.

When I am towering over her, my shadow overwhelming her room, I see her eyes open.

In the dead of the night, in the hours of darkness,

I see the glint in her eye again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Foreword: **I'm so sorry, dear readers! Real life has been catching up with me. :( I hope you like this chapter!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

I meet with the pack while Bella is sleeping. There is a wolf hanging around near Bella's house. A slim wolf with black spotted fur is lying chest down on the ground; the wolf raises its head and growls, instantly jumping up.

"I just want to say thank you for the protection you've given Bella."

The wolf grunts and lies on his belly again.

I mentally smile and walk towards where he wolf growls low but does not move back.

I ignore the disgusting smell that he produces, and sit down a few feet away from him with my back to a tree and my legs on the big roots.

I can see that the wolf is moving his head up and down, his eyes rolling back into his head.

"It's okay, you can go back home and get some sleep. I can take it from here," I suggested. The wolves have done more than I could ever hope for.

The wolf's head stops swaying up and down and sharply turns to me. He growls low on his throat and stands up with his forelegs.

I roll my eyes, which made him growl again.

We stay like that for awhile; I can feel his sleepiness drowning me. He is clearly tired.

I adjust my legs and move them quite a bit. "Seriously, you can go. You need -"

A growl from the wolf followed.

Then _the smell._

Vampire.

We both act at the same time, jumping up. He looks around, flicking his ears and flicking his ears and frowning.

I turn to him. "Call the pack," I order the wolf and then ran to the scent.

It is her.

I am so sure it is her.

The smell is spicy and I can see, with my strong vision, something red up in the trees three kilometers from where I am.

I growl low in my throat. I can sense the wolf pacing and looking at where Victoria is perched in the tree.

_What is he doing? The pack! I need the pack!_

I see the red-headed bitch smile.

_Fuck you._

There is no time to wait for the pack to come. I dash into the forest, and before Victoria can see me I am in front of her.

I hiss.

She smiles.

_Fuck you again._

I reach for her neck,ready to end her fucking existence. I know that this is way too easy, but after her head is snapped from her body.._. then_ I can have my fun.

I feel very giddy at the thought.

As my two hands reach for her neck, Victoria's leg jumps up and hits me in the chest.

I am thrown back a few feet into another tree. I shake my shoulders and growl loudly.

I see her laugh, cruelly and joyously.

_Triple fuck you._

I race towards the bitch, quietly cursing the wolves. _Where are they?_

I feel the ground shake and hear uneven breathing, growls and grunts, and heartbeats.

The wolves are coming from the west.

I give them a feeling of gratitude, especially towards the alpha. I hear a growl and take the feeling away. Better not irritate them...

We all race towards the bitch,the pack smartly making a perimeter around her. She looks behind at her back, where I am tailing her. She shows her teeth and growls. I only smile back.

_Take that,_ _you fucker._

Where is she going?

A brown wolf decides to take a leap and jump on her, but the bitch has a gift for escaping. She misses it by millimeters. That only made the pack more frustrated.

She is going north, to La Push.

Why is she going there?

Why won't she stop running?

And god dammit, why is it so hard to chase her?

Lost in my musings, I am too late to save myself from the attack of a wolf.

_A wolf._

I am lying on my back, drool is leaking out of the dark grey wolf's mouth. His head is bowed down to face me, and his brown human eyes are filled with rage.

What the fuck happened?

I look around, well try to, before the wolf growls again and puts his paw on my chest, pushing me down.

Okay, cluster fuck.

I turn to look at a dark silver wolf. What is he doing? Victoria is getting away. I try to get up again, but to no avail. Even though I can throw the wolf into a tree in a second, I know I am at a disadvantage here. I am a lone vampire, they are a pack of wolves.

There is nothing that I can do but hiss my agitation at the wolf. He looks like he is huffing, which I think might be to be a laugh of some sorts.

I growl again. This is not funny...

"You stepped over the boundary line, leech," roars Sam, closing the buttons of his shorts.

"We were chasing Victoria. I had no idea -"

The wolf on top of me roars in anger. It makes my whole head vibrate and ears hurt.

"Paul, _phase. Now."_

I see the wolf's eyes widen in shock, and before I even know what is happening, the giant wolf phases back into a big, six-foot, Native American adolescent.

On top of me.

Naked.

"Get off me, mutt!" I grunt angrily and push him away.

"Should we kill him, boss?" a boy on Sam's left asks.

Sam looks at me, his eyes calculating.

I go to stand up, my bones clicking and crunching together, and face Sam Uley. "I swear to you, I had no idea that I stepped over the boundary line. I am guessing we were all too focused on capturing Victoria to notice that I was already near the boundary line."

The others huff in disbelief. How I wish I can just crush their necks, bury them alive, and make them scream in pain.

How I wish...

"I'll let this pass." Disbelief and anger radiated from the pack. "But if you or any of the Cullens step over the line again all bets are off. You got me, leech?"

"I do. Thank you." Rip their necks, make them scream...

"The red-headed-leech ran all the way to First Beach and jumped off the cliff into the ocean. We couldn't follow her," Sam tells me. Grunts of annoyance come from the pack.

Sam Uley looks back. "Embry, you're still on patrol at Bella's house."

"But, boss!" complains a much younger russet-skinned boy.

"No buts. _Now._"

The boy rolls his eyes ran down south and vanishes into the green forest.

"Thank you again, Sam."

"Get out."

* * *

So many thoughts.

So many problems.

They are all swirling in my head.

Good.

Bad.

I wonder if this is all right.

Loving Bella.

Going back to Forks.

In those moments where the sun is hidden behind the clouds in typical Forks fashion. In those moments when I am thinking, because that's always what I do:think.

The world decides to twist and adjust.

The world decides to become cruel.

The world decides to change in sadistic way.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

The world ended when I got the phone call from Jacob at midday.

"Prepare dry clothes for Bella, we're coming," he greet me.

I frown. "Why would I? What happened to Bella?"

"JUST DO IT!"

Now I'm worried. "Why? What happened? Bella, can you hear me? What hap -"

"She's not in good shape, leech. So if I were you- SHUT UP AND GET BELLA SOME CLOTHES! We're five blocks away from the house."

I hang up on him, and in rapid speed, I got a pair of running pants, sweatshirt, and underwear. I hear a strong, fast heartbeat and a soft one.

Scared for Bella's life, I open the main door so hard that I heard the wood crack. There is no time to worry about it now.

She looks so pale, with blue lips and wet hair.

Oh, Bella.

Bella.

I race towards her limp body and take her out of Jacob's arms. She cries out and shivers.

_Oh, no._

Cold.

Cold.

Always so cold.

I meet Jacob's eyes. Whatever he sees in my eyes makes him flinch and grab Bella. She stops crying out and turns limp again.

I cry out.

No.

Jesus Christ, please. No.

I want to fall on my knees and cry out loud. Instead, I grip my hair in my hands.

"What happened?" I finally have the strength to ask.

"She jumped off a cliff on a stormy day," Jacob answers while removing her wet shirt. I look at the frail girl.

I was so sure that that pretty, dull glint in her eye is a good sign.

So, so, sure.

Bella.

Is my love not enough?

Is everyone's love not enough for her?

This time I do sink to the ground on my knees.

I thought I could save her.

I thought I could...

I walk and sit beside her. Jacob continues to quietly dry her with the towel. Her face looks so peaceful, so quiet.

_Edward, what did you do to her?_

I thought I could save her. From the dark hole. From herself.

But in the end, does she really want to be saved?


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

Her hair is wet and her lower lip cut when she wakes up.

I do not ask. I do not speak.

We are both quiet.

She is sitting on the couch, and I am in the kitchen, keeping my hands busy. My mind is going into overdrive, thinking and thinking.

Finally, the silence is broken. I ask her what she likes better: grits or soup?

Both foods are delicious if cooked properly. The grits need to be boiled in milk. Does she have milk? If she doesn't, I have to run to the grocery store and get some. What should I get? The low-fat one? The one that has more calcium? Should I get some cheese too? Grits are nice if there's cheese. Or maybe Bella wants to eat soup? I should get spices. Onions. Are there eggs in the fridge? I have to go check...

"Jasper?"

I stop whatever I am doing and turn to face the broken girl sitting on the couch.

"Yeah?"

She opens her mouth to reply and then she closes it. Her lips quiver, her eyes water, and she is soon sobbing whole-heartedly. I run to her side and envelope her in my arms, making sure that her blanket is still covering her quivering body.

"Oh Jasper..." She puts her head in my neck and breathes in. "Jasper... I don't know what to do..." She then tells me her story, leaving nothing out, starting when Edward left her (in the woods! For heaven's sake!), and to the following months when she gazed out her window to the woods, numb and waiting for him to come back. And she told me, in vivid detail, of how I came into her life. She told me I looked like a beacon. I still do, she said.

Then she tells me of the voices. Endless voices in her head. It is Edward, she said. And then she explained to me what drew her to jump off of that cliff, screaming for joy that Edward's voice will finally stop. That his continuing, cruel words will end.

"What were those words?" I ask.

"He- he told me he didn't- didn't want me anymore." She bit her lip to stop herself from sobbing. My hand clenches so tightly that the skin of my knuckles start tearing away from the bone. How could Edward do this?

"He never wanted me!" she screams out loud and put both of her hands to her ears. I growl low in my throat and ran like lightning to the kitchen. Something to break. Anything to break.

_Everything to break._

I sink to the ground.

There is no escaping it.

The voices Bella hears.

The wish to make it stop.

The wish to do everything right.

All of it is like a broken hourglass. The sands scattered, never to be put again in the broken glass.

My eyes are closed when I feel the warmth and the scent of Bella surround me. I let my muscles relax and lean my head into Bella's stomach. It is so much better here. Much, much better. I will not be harmed here. I will not be Jasper Hale Cullen here.

I am just me.

"Ssh... Ssh, now."

I tilt my head to look into her eyes. Love and defeat. I do not want to worry about the latter. I move forward and our lips meet.

Warm and Bella.

There is nothing else but this.

I kiss her harder, not wanting to let go.

Not wanting to _ever _left let go.

I kiss her collarbone, then her neck, and licked her artery. I hear her gasp and she tugs on my hair harder. I can almost taste the sweet blood that Bella offered. I am kissing her shoulders when Bella pulls my lips to meet hers again. So, so warm. Her hands roam to my shoulders, to my chest, to my hips. Before she forcefully removes my shirt. She pulls me closer and closer.

She gasps, her heart beating fast and hard. Her lips are bruised, her eyes are glazed. Her hair is messy.

She looks into my eyes, and whatever she sees there made her smile and nod. Before I knew it, we were both inside her bedroom.

There was nothing else after that except warmth, love, and lust joining into one. Nothing mattered. Just complete warmth and the slickness on our thighs.

I collapse to the bed, breathing hard, and look for her hand. I clench her hand and move to the side, my arms supporting my head. I play with her hair and nuzzle her neck. I feel her shiver beside me and pull the sheets up to her shoulders. She reaches her hand out to play with my hair and kisses everything she could reach of me.

For once in my life, I do not think of battle strategies in the back of my mind, and I do not think of Victoria out there. I do not think of the wolves, the Cullens.

Instead, I pretend everything is going to be alright.


	31. Chapter 31

**Foreword: **...

Alright readers! I'm OFFICIALLY BACK from my exams! This means that I can write you LOOONG forewords and just simply be annoying. This also means...*DRUM ROLL* DAILY UPDATES! (Well...I hope so.)

I hope you haven't been bored with me and the story for it's almost done. :( You guys hear me? SSIB is almost done. :( And after SSIB, I have to focus onto other stories, my real life, arranging my time, baking, playing the violin, reading and being the best student I can be.

*Sighs* My life will never be a bed of roses will it? :( Oh well.

I give you Chapter 31!

Don't forget to review down below!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty One**

The 'pretending everything is going to be alright'?

It doesn't last long.

Not even a minute.

There is a soft knock downstairs. "Jasper, I know you're up there! Open up! I'm not gonna kill you or anything!"

I flinch under Bella's touch.

_Alice._

Oh heavenly God and his son in the manger.

_Heaven, saints,_ _and angels help me._

"What's wrong?" Bella asks.

I glance at Bella and play with her fingers, trying to calm my 'not-so-calm' emotions.

"Alice is downstairs."

"Damn right I am! Jasper, you better make sure she's wearing something presentable!" I hear Alice say.

Bella's eyes enlarge. She sits up too fast and groans out loud, with her hand on her head. I smile at her and sit up, too.

"Don't worry. Alice understands." She does, I can feel it projecting all over the house. I calm Bella and play with the tips of her hair.

Bella smiles and looks around her room. Clothes lay messily around the room: shirt on top of the desk, underwear on the floor...

"We should probably get dressed," Bella suggests, crawling to get her shirt and putting it on. "How long has she been downstairs?"

"Not long to erase the post-sex in your faces!" Alice reprimands us from downstairs. I could hear her stomping her foot. "I'm just thankful that I came here late! So I couldn't hear you guys _breeding_! Oh, thank God I came late."

I see Bella blush a bright red, like a tomato. Hell, if I could blush right now I would. Did Alice really just say _breeding?_

_Jesus have mercy on me._

* * *

I try very hard not to bite my fingernails.

Bella's and Alice's emotions are low and high. One feeling she betrayed her best friend, and the other one feeling calm and a bit amused.

Mine? I can't even name my emotions anymore. My emotions are all jumbled with the girls' emotions, making a whirlwind of high and low emotions.

I am so sure it can make me go insane.

Alice turns and looks at me. "You know what? To celebrate me coming back, why don't you get pizza? Make it the good kind."

_What is Alice doing?_

"What do you want, Bella? Pepperoni, the vegetarian one, or simply cheese?"

It took a few seconds for Bella to answer. "Uh... simply cheese?" Her answer sounded like it was a question, not a statement.

Alice smiles and claps her hands. "Simply cheese then! And get pepperoni too!"

I do not move for a while. Is Alice really doing this? Sending me off somewhere so she can have a talk with Bella? I can feel and see Bella's uneasiness at the situation. She is moving her legs left and right and her eyes didn't linger on anything long enough.

"Jasper, nothing will happen. I promise," Alice swears and gives me and encouraging smile, her emotions showing that she means well. I try to smile back but knew it didn't work, feeling the amusement in Alice's emotions.

I stand up and before walking out the door, I gather her emotions. All of them. To make sure that she won't try anything to harm Bella. Calmness, amusement, worry, and... happiness.

Alice is happy for Bella and I.

I see Alice smile again and shoo me away with her hand. "You see now?"

Sometimes I wonder if Alice can read my mind better than Edward.

* * *

When I came back into the house with two boxes of pizzas for Bella to eat, I stop. Alice is waiting on the front porch. She claps her hands together and skips her way to me.

I mentally breathe out and put the pizza on the pavement.

"Listen Alice -"

"Ssh," Alice put her finger to my lips and smiles, "it's okay. I understand."

I shake my head. "No, you don't. I should have -"

"Jasper, it's okay. I'm fine. I knew it was going to happen."

I blink, a conscious reflex. "You do?"

Alice nods. "Yes, I knew once you decided to go back to Forks and see Bella. I knew."

I blanch. "If you knew, then why didn't you say anything?"

Alice huffs and rolls her eyes. "Did you want me to say anything?"

I shut my mouth. No, I didn't want her to say anything.

Alice eyes soften, and she put her hands on my cheek and stroked it. "You're happy. Happier than before. I know you don't think of blood anymore when you're with Bella,"

I didn't know that I didn't think of blood much anymore before Alice told me. It _is _true. Blood is just... food, I guess. I didn't feel the hunger, the addiction, anymore.

All gone.

Alice closes her eyes, feeling frustrated. "I just wish I knew if Bella's happy."

I snap out of my reverie. What did she say?

"You mean she's not?" I wish those words that Alice said didn't hurt. But it did. It hurt a lot to know that Bella isn't happy even though I'm here.

"No! You're getting this wrong." She exhales loudly when she sees my broken face. "Comparing Bella when we left her for the first few weeks to now: she was worse before, but now... Well, I don't know! Bella's future is disappearing and reappearing! I can't keep track. Sometimes I see her falling down the last stages of depression to suicidal. Sometimes I see her happy with you, and sometimes she just disappears! Like, she doesn't know what to do with her future or something. It makes me crazy."

I nod. It is all true, Bella did have these mood swings that even _I _couldn't keep up. I feel Alice reach for my cheek again.

"But don't let it faze you, Jazz," she says. "Don't stop loving her. _Never stop loving her. _What Edward did was wrong, I know. Saying that stuff to her. That she wasn't worth a thing!" She growls. Her face turning into a mask of anger, before looking at me again and giving me that 'look'. The encouraging, loving, and full of hope look.

"I can't determine her future anymore. It's all up to her. But promise me, _promise me,_you'll love her right. You'll treat her right. Because that might just save her."

I nod. I didn't want to give up on Bella. I can't give up on her.

She moves away from me and smiles again.

_Alice just can't stop smiling._

"What brings you here? Aside from telling me how to treat Bella right," I joke.

"Well, I actually came here to check on Bella. I saw her jumping off a cliff." She scrunches her nose. "Seriously? Jump off a cliff? Oh, Bella."

"She actually went cliff diving," I correct her.

She did a hissy fit. "Whatever you want to call it. As long there's 'cliff' in the sentence. It's the same thing."

We laugh.

After that, her face softens.

"Remember that, okay? Love her right."

I smile and touch her cheek with my fingertips. "I will. Forever."

* * *

In the dead of the night, when a certain male, blonde vampire is out hunting, two girls inside the Swan Residence are talking to one another.

One is trying to sleep, while the other is walking around the house since she literally can't sleep.

"Bella? I know you're awake."

The heart of the girl lying on the sheets hammered. "Hmm?"

"You love Jasper, right?"

The girl under the covers smiles, glad that her face is hidden. _Oh, if Alice only knew. _"Yes. I do love him."

"Like you love Edward?"

She flinches internally. Just hearing that name... It still sends sadness through her body.

But the clawing in her chest, the hole in the middle. It was gone now. Only the sadness is left.

"No, not like that," the girl under the covers says. "Never like that. Jasper... he's different. In a good way."

"How so?"

The girl smiles. "He doesn't even do anything remotely close to the description of boyfriend. If that's what you like to call it. He cooks me breakfasts, he takes care of me. We share stories, ideas. His presence makes me look forward to another day, makes me hope again.

"And to tell you right now, Alice. I don't care about anything anymore. I don't care that you guys stay immortal and I don't. That I'm just human and you guys are a whole new specie. I just want to love Jasper until I can't breathe anymore."

* * *

**Afterword: **Isn't that bittersweet? :)

Seven more chapters and an epilogue. :(

NOO.

NOO.

But oh well, this time, I would be able to focus on writing Bellow of the Ocean and fixing my time management.

Thank you all for reading and I hope you like it enough to review!


	32. Chapter 32

**Foreword: **

Just another filler chapter! We're so close to the ending I can feel it!

Thank you all for the lovely reviews, they make me smile and find my muse to write and update to each and every one of you! :)

I hope you like chapter 32!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Two**

"Jasper?" calls Alice from the living room.

"Yeah?"

"Can you go to Seattle and buy me that chocolate cake I saw? I want to give it to Bella as a peace offering, and Heaven knows she needs more sugar in her body."

Jasper's brow furrows, and he walks into the living room, staring at Alice.

"Why do I need to go all the way to Seattle to buy a cake? Can't I just buy it in Port Angeles?"

Alice smiles and pouts. "But that cake in Seattle is prettier and tastes better." She frowns. "Well, since I can't eat it, I just have to judge it by how the way it smells, and it smells _good._"

Jasper shakes his head. Typical Alice.

"It's the cake you were going to buy Bella for her birthday, right?"

"Well I didn't, since Edward stopped me and said it was too sweet. Yeah, right," she huffs.

Jasper sighs, "Okay."

She squeals and hugs Jasper. "Thank you! Thank you!"

Jasper smiles and feels giddy. Alice's emotions are all so happy. Well except for that concrete wall that made her feel nothing.

"Just let me grab my jacket;" he says to the joyous Alice and removes her arms from him.

When Jasper is kilometers away from Forks, a spiky-haired girl sits down on the couch. She groans out loud, freeing her guilty emotions in her system. She feels bad for lying, but it had to be done.

She hears a human girl breathing softly upstairs in her bedroom, and it calms her.

She will do anything for her sister.

Twenty three minutes from now, the future is black. Twenty five minutes from now, she and Bella will be off making plans to go to somewhere Alice can still not see. Forty five minutes from now, Jasper will encounter a newborn in Seattle. Jasper will then kill her. He will come back an hour and ten minutes from now to an empty house and panicked emotions.

Alice puts her hands on her face.

She hates doing this to Jasper, but it is for the best.

If she didn't send Jasper off to Seattle, her brother will die.

Alice tries to think positive thoughts. Everybody wins in the end, right? Sure, Jasper will probably go on a rampage, but in the end he'll be alive. And everyone can live a happily ever after.

She hopes she is right.

* * *

**Afterword: **

How's that for intriguing?

Mistakes are all mine!

If you like it, please share the love and review down below! Thank you all. :D


	33. Chapter 33

**Foreword: **I'm so tired. :( Our school had this end of year event that was just so tiring...but made me fitter. :)

I can't talk much, since my brain is fried, but I really do hope you enjoy the chapter.

Thank you so much!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Three**

I came back to Bella's house with a cake in my hand and awaiting Alice's squeal. Instead, I find a house empty of Alice and Bella. There are no squeals and no heartbeat.

"Bella?" I call out to the house, even though there is no use. The property is quiet.

I place the cake on the counter in the kitchen and a see a note on the table.

I grab it and read it. _Sorry, _it says in Alice's writing. I growl and clutch my hair.

"ALICE!" I shout to no one.

What did she do? Bella? Where is Bella?

I grab my phone from my pocket and dial her number.

No answer.

I decide to call Bella.

Her phone starts ringing upstairs.

I close the phone and shut my eyes. Burning with rage, I run at an uncontrollable speed everywhere through the forest, hoping that I can smell Alice or Bella.

_What have you done, Alice?_

Oh, what about Charlie?

"Charlie is taken care of. Dad told me that Charlie called him when Bella decided to go 'somewhere to breathe and forget about your leech brother'," a gruff voice says behind me. I didn't know I had said that out loud.

I shake my head, almost crazily, and begin running around.

When running doesn't work, I lock myself in Bella's closet and let her scent swarm me. It almost made me calm down. Keyword: _almost. _It didn't stop me from calling Alice's phone again and again, hoping she will answer and explain why she... why she... _tricked _me.

Yes, yes. Tricked is the right word.

So many calls and voicemails later, the call is finally answered.

"ALICE!" I roar to the phone, making the closet rattle.

"Jasper," Alice says. I almost can't hear her with all the loud thoughts in my head. "Jasper? Jasper, calm down! We're all right...We're on a plane to Italy, and Bella's fine! Stop-"

"WHAT? YOU'RE WHAT?"

"ON A PLANE TO ITALY!"

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO ITALY?" I roar into the phone. Italy... Italy... What is in Italy? I know there is something important in Italy... Something so important. But I can't think about it now... I can't.

"We're going there to save Edward's sorry ass! That's what!"

"Huh?"

"Oh God, Jasper! Italy! Volturi! Edward! Ringing a bell in your head?"

Volturi... Fuck, fuck. Fuck! "Get. Back. To. Forks. _Now._"

"Jasper, we have no time -"

"NO TIME? NO TIME? I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE NO TIME! GET BELLA BACK TO FORKS RIGHT NOW, ALICE! OR I SWEAR TO GOD -"

"Jasper! Calm down! Nothing bad is going to happen. I've seen it."

"GAAAH!" I lose my cool on the phone. No way am I putting Bella in any danger, even though Alice has seen that they are going to be fine, facing off the royalty of vampires. Absolutely. Not.

"LISTEN HERE, ALICE! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE SEEN IT! I WANT BELLA BACK! NOW! EDWARD COULD GO TO HELL -" I stop when I hear a tiny voice talking over the phone.

"Jasper?"

My rage deflates. Just hearing Bella made everything calm down. Oh, Bella.

"Bella? Where are you? Are you safe? Listen to me; you need to go back to Forks. The Volturi won't hesitate to kill you. You need to go back. Bella? Bella? Tell me, are you alright?" Suddenly the closet seems too small, and it starts to suffocate me.

"Sssh. Ssh. Jasper? I'm okay. And I can't go back, not yet. _I have to fix this," _her last sentence seems to fire her up. I can tell.

"But why?" I ask quietly.

"Huh?"

"Why do you have to fix it? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I did! I jumped off a cliff, for heaven's sake! That's why Alice went to Forks, to see if I was dead."

"What?"

"Jasper," she sighs, "when I jumped off the cliff, Alice saw it. She went to Forks to check on me. Rosalie overheard Alice talking about me being dead, and when Edward -" she forces the name out- "called to check on the Cullens Rosalie told Edward that I was dead. Now he's off to the Volturi to kill himself."

I blink. Too fast, everything is too fast.

"Jasper? I'm okay, alright? No need to worry. I'll be back before you know it. The Volturi won't kill me." _I hope. _I felt she wanted to add that one.

"But what if you don't?" I rasp out. "What if they kill you?" _Don't think about it. Don't think about it._

I hear her laugh quietly. "Well then, I'm glad. I _was _getting tired of reading happy endings all the time."

"Don't say that." _Don't,_ _don't,_ _don't._

I can almost see her eyes soften. "I'll be okay Jasper. I'll be alright."

"Don't say that if you don't mean it."

"Well, then I guess I'll just say I love you to death, then. What about that?"

Did I just hear her say..?

"Huh?"

"I love you, you dork."

"What?"

"Jesus. I said, I love you. I'm _in _love with you. And I'll be counting the minutes until I get back."

"You're not the only one counting," I mumble.

I hear her laugh and stop abruptly. "I just really _need_ to do this, Jasper. I- I need closure. I need to see him again and ask. I have to. I _need _to. I won't be able to heal completely until I get it."

How I know what she meant.

"I understand," I whisper.

"Thank you."

A few seconds of silence.

"Listen, we're boarding the plane. I need to go now."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know I love you, too. So fucking much. I just want you to know that."

A few seconds of silence again.

"Daydream about me while I'm gone," she suggests. "It might ease the pain, a little bit"

I laugh. "I feel that you're almost saying it like I'm sick with a 'Bella Disease' or something."

"Haha. So funny, Jasper."

"I love you." I can't help telling her again.

"I love you, too."

There is a few seconds of silence before I hear a beep.

* * *

**Afterword: **Now isn't that just cuuutee!

...See you guys in the next chapter!

Don't forget to review!


	34. Chapter 34

**Foreword: **No time to waste, another update will be coming soon!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Four**

The only things I feel are Charlie's emotions. Grief, disbelief, and panic.

Other than that,

I am nothing.

I can't see anything in her closet.

I can only smell and hear, but I don't use those either.

I am nothing.

My cell phone rings again and again in front of me. The light the only brilliance in this dark box.

Carlisle is calling.

Then Esme.

Then Emmett.

Then Rosalie.

And it goes on again.

Still here I am.

I am nothing.


	35. Chapter 35

**Foreword: **Too bust to talk... :)

Happy Christmas and happy reading! Just a few chapters left, hang on peeps!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Five**

I do not know how much time has passed. But I do know this: it has. Time passes here, inside Bella's closet, in a slow, agonizing way that makes me feel like I'm burning from the change all over again.

But this time, I don't think I'll be reborn.

This time, I feel like I'll stay dead.

I only answer the phone when it says 'Alice' as the caller.

"Hello," my voice is raspy because it wasn't used for quite awhile.

"Jasper? It's me, Bella. Are you okay?"

I sigh in relief. Bella's fine. "_Bella,_" I say her name like a melody, like a song. "I'm fine now that you called. Where are you?"

"We're in a hotel in Seattle right now. I'll be there by tomorrow. The whole Cullen family will stay in Seattle for awhile with Edward to make sure he..." Bella stops and says, "heals."

"Hmm." In the very depths of me, where a monster is caged, I wish Edward will go to Forks so that I could give him a victorious smirk and a very loud mind to not notice. I am angry with Edward.

And I do not need to say the reasons why.

"Listen, Jasper."

"Yeah?"

"Maybe..." She clears her throat. "Maybe, after all of this is over, we both could go somewhere. Just... leave the world for awhile."

My posture softens. In my head, I think of places to go. France, New York, Sydney, Moscow. "I'd like that. Where do you wanna go?"

"Hmm... we should go to Phoenix first, so I can show you the library I love. And the park too. Then maybe to Texas, I always wanted to learn the accent and ride a horse."

I chuckle. "The latter might be harder to do, considering that no horse would allow me to ride it."

"Well, you can watch from the sidelines while I have my fun."

Silence again.

There is no need for words between us.

Just silence.

Before I decide to shatter it, "We can go to Houston. I can show you where I used to live when I was human. And we can go this diner that cooks the best grits."

"Hmm... I'd like that."

And just like that, we have a plan for the future ahead of us. We will travel the world, forget everyone and everything, and just _live._

I suddenly feel something I haven't felt in a long time. This time the feeling is completely mine: I feel excited. Pure excitement runs in my veins as Bella and I talk about going to places that are beautiful and mesmerizing.

And I feel giddy because I know Bella will be there, making every day seem lighter and shorter for an immortal like me.

* * *

**Afterword: **Like it? Leave a review! :D


	36. Chapter 36

**Foreword: **I am so sorry! I know, I know, I haven't updated since last year - THAT'S COMPLETELY MY FAULT. I was just travelling with my parents and I was so tired and yeah..excuses.

Although**, a little warning to those who does not want to spend their first week of new year sad, angry, depressed or any other emotions that simply feels BAD. Then PLEASE, PLEASE don't read the following chapters ahead. I'm warning you now. It is not pretty. **

On to the story!

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Six**

_Bella's here._

_Bella's here._

Nothing matters except that _Bella's here._

Her smell surrounds me, drowning me.

And God, I never want to resurface. Never again. Not when Bella's the water, and I am the victim of the ocean's onslaught. I can just float in the water, only hearing the water breathing. No noises, no anything.

"I love you," I mutter into her hair and press her against to me. No space, just us. One as whole. No one could tear us apart ever again.

_Never again._

_Love her right, Jasper..._

_Love her right._

I will do so gladly. So, so gladly.

I hear her laugh in my shirt. "I love you, too."

And that's that.

Bella and I.

When you feel so strongly for someone that no words could even define what you're feeling, when no time and no world ruled you. There's really no explaining it, because you just can't.

The mere thought of explaining _this,_ of writing _this..._you just can't. Because it's the most powerful thing in the world you'll feel. That you'll be left speechless about it. There's no evil, no good, no power.

_It's just you and her._

_Bella and I._

I twirl her around, making her hair dance in the wind and making her laugh. And there's nothing in the world but her laugh.

_That laugh._

"Oh, Jasper," she whispers. "Make me swear to never leave you again. Not for one minute."

I grin. "Swear to me that you'll never leave me again, not for one minute. Not for one second. Swear to me you'll love me until the Earth stops existing. Swear you'll love me and will forever be with me until we both could fly. Swear it to me, Bella."

She kisses my forehead, my cheeks, my lips. "I swear. I swear. I swear... _I swear._"

I kiss her again on the mouth. It's a series of emotions, of _things _I could never name. Never. Fireworks, peace, the world beneath me, sparks, the air,_everything _I could be the master of. Everything when she's with me. Everything and anything.

_Oh Bella. _"Never leave me again," I mutter to the air, to the sky, to her lips. To anyone who can hear me.

She pulls away from me. "Oh but, Jasper," she says, "I'm always with you. Always and forevermore."

I kiss her again, and we both roll to the grass.

I believe her. She will always be there. Always and forevermore.

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

* * *

_Why did she come now?_

_Why did she come now?_

_Why did she come now?_

_No,_ _no,_ _no,_ _no,_ _no._

_No._

_No._

Not now.

Never, please.

So, fast. So, so, fast.

Every one of us all thought that she would come later. Not this soon. _No,_ _no,_ _no. _There are already so many people dead and half of the forest in Forks is already burnt to the ground. _No,_ _no,_ _no,_ _no._

Victoria.

I hear Edward snarl upstairs when I think of the name.

There's no time.

No time to prepare, no time to think of strategies.

No time at all.

Charlie's helping anyone he can. From the many killings that happened within just an hour, to the forest fire that's spreading fast around Forks.

There's just no escape. If the fire spreads east, the people of Forks will be trapped, making Forks a circle of hell. People will scream, die, cry.

Victoria has been more psychotic than we all thought.

The killings are probably the worst though. Victoria and her newborn army (which we just learned about half an hour ago) are vicious. The devil and his minions incarnate. Dead people started to show in Port Angeles in groups, then it spread to Forks in just a few minutes. Thirteen people dead and still counting.

Reporters and photographers all around the state seem to want to know more of what's happening to the little town of Forks, where nothing seems to happen.

_No,_ _no,_ _no..._

The emotions all over the house are killing me. I want to get out. I _need_to get out. I close my eyes and put two fingers on my nose bridge. Vampire migraine is worse than a mortal one. It keeps on pounding on your granite head. There's no aspirin for a vampire headache.

_Ugh._

"Go, Jasper, run around for awhile. Nothing's going to happen," Edward says from upstairs.

I look around at the room. Nods of encouragement and smiles.

"It's alright, Jasper. Go for a run. We'll look out for news and Bella," Esme says with a pat on my shoulder.

"Thanks, Esme. I'll be back in an hour."

An hour turned into four, I kept on running. The world is in my feet, the air is on my face, and I leave all my problems behind.

There's nothing but me and the woods. The trees sway, the flowers bloom. Everything's perfect in this world. I wish Bella was here to see it all. So that it can be truly perfect.

I shake my head and head back to reality.

What greeted me changed my life.

"What happened to you?" Alice screeches at the top of her lungs as I walk to the porch.

I look at her with surprise. "I was calming down."

"Didn't you receive my calls? My messages?"

"I left my phone in Bella's room."

Alice screams and walks around so fast even I couldn't keep up.

"Alice, Alice. What happened?"

She faces me, her golden eyes almost unbearable to see. "_Bella,_" she says and crumples to the ground to sob dryly. "Bella. Bella. No. No."

Three steps and I'm in front of her, kneeling. My insides are clenching and unclenching, and my throat feels like sand. "Alice? What happened to Bella?"

"No... no... no..."

My eyes tighten, and I fiercely shake the crumpled, small girl in front of me. I don't have the time to comfort her. _No time,_ _no time,_ _no time._

"Alice!" I call out harshly. "What happened to Bella?"

She cries out like a wounded animal. _Oh no...Oh no...Please no._

"Bella's been t-taken. We're all trying to f-find her. I got the task of telling you what-what happened."

Alice clearly has more to say, but I do not want to hear it. My insides are tight, my throat is constricted, and my muscles are clenched together fiercely.

_Jasper..._

I close my eyes.

I can almost hear her whispering my name.

But it is just the wind.

* * *

Bella screams in anguish as another bone is broken.The vampire on top of her smile so evilly that it makes Bella think she is the devil incarnate.

"How does that feel, you stupid girl?" Victoria taunts, her white teeth stained with red, coppery blood.

Bella glares at her, there is no use talking back or begging for release. If she talks back, it will only mean more pain; if she begs for release, it will only irritate Victoria, and she will crush more bones.

Bella doesn't know how many crushed bones in her body anymore. The pain is everywhere. All so consuming.

All so pitiful.

To those people who said that death was easy, it wasn't.

It's painful, pitiful and miserable.

Especially dying this way.

This is probably the worst way to die.

"The Cullens and those werewolves of yours made it too easy. So, so, easy." On the last sentence, Victoria, with her long nails, drew blood on her cheek.

It stings. Bella quietly weeps. For herself, for the situation she is in, for Victoria, who only meant to avenge the one she loved in the only way she knew how.

By killing the one who started it all.

Bella has the nerve to smile at the irony. _The one who started it all._

A crack.

A scream.

Blood.

She can no longer clench her fingers together since Victoria had crushed them all.

_Jasper..._

She sobs, with noise this time. She wanted more time to say 'I love you's' to him, to travel the world with him, to make sure she _lived_.

But the sands in the hourglass are running out, and this seems to be the end.

Almost to the end.

Bella wonders when the last of the sands in the hourglass will fall down.

For she can no longer take the pain.

* * *

**Afterword: ***peeks out her fluffy pillow* Are you guys still with me?

We're so close to the ending I can feel it! Can you guys feel it too?

Leave a review and tell me what you guys think!

**Also, a little note, after this story is finished I will be writing, editing and plotting Bellow of the Ocean, my Bella/Edward fic. I will also be the Beta of VampriesAreCool and will try to write another fic soon - if I can. School this year is starting to get serious, with all this university preparing and all. Also, don't expect too many updates from me - life will be long and hard this year. Will try to break bad habits, create new ones, be a better person, and at the end of the year feel proud of myself for what I've done. **

So, that's my little update on my writing life - to those people who care! :D

See you soon, readers!


	37. Chapter 37

**Foreword: **Just one more chapter and an epilogue to go.

Hope you guys like it...

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Seven**

_Bella,_ _Bella,_ _Bella,_ _Bella,_ _Bella._

It's the only constant thought in my head.

Everything is a blur but the name: Bella.

I run at an inhuman speed to the left, where the smell of vampires unknown is strongest.

Right.

Straight.

Left.

Left.

Straight.

"Jasper, son. Please, calm down."

Right.

Newborn.

Kill.

Snarl on the left.

Taken care of by Emmett.

Run straight.

A pouncing newborn ahead.

Neck dislocated.

Thirteen newborns circle us.

Killed by werewolves and my family.

Newborn bit me in the arm.

Snarl,

Dislocate arm,

Kill.

Run.

Left.

Jump over a ravine.

Right.

Run.

"Jasper! Wait!"

_There._

* * *

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

* * *

I smell blood.

Bella's blood.

I can smell so much blood.

"Aargh!" I hear someone growl, it sounds like Emmett. The blood must be affecting him.

I look back at my family.

Bella's blood is no problem to me. But my family... I have to think about my family.

Alice looks torn.

Edward looks tortured.

Emmett has bloodlust on his face.

Rosalie is comforting him.

Esme looks torn as well.

Carlisle gives me a look that's so powerful I stagger back.

_My father._

Carlisle has a look on his face that isn't even describable. There's that pride, that _love_, that compassion, that understanding. It makes me want to explode in a million pieces.

His golden eyes seem to tell me something, to command something. He stands tall, a shining beacon to be followed, of all the Cullens.

And he holds my gaze.

_Go now, son._

_Go now._

I sob, a dry and tearless sob that made my insides hurt, my face clench, and my muscles crumple.

Though I am still standing.

_Go._

_Go._

_Go..._

"GO!" he screams at me. His voice, _oh his voice, _full of that love, that compassion, only Carlisle can give.

With a last look at my family, broken by their weakness of the blood and saving Bella, I close my eyes.

And run.

* * *

**Afterword: **Now...wasn't it quite nice to see some Father and son bonding? Even though they chose to bond in the most _bleakest _of times?

The last chapter will be coming up soon.


	38. Chapter 38

**Foreword: **Well...here it is.

The last chapter.

**Warnings are set in place. **

I'll see you at the afterword.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Eight**

Vampires don't need to breathe, but I _wanted _it.

I breathe hard after all the running.

Exhale the looks of my family.

Inhale the revenge of Victoria.

Exhale the worries of Bella.

And inhale my inner demon.

The Southern Wars Major.

The Killer.

The Unmerciful.

_I have to get Bella._

_I have to get Bella._

I hope that my eyes have been as guarded as the rest of me. Victoria can not see me as weak.

Bella cannot see me as weak.

I inhale again.

And there it is, that smell of Bella.

It is wonderful.

Sweet and pure.

Mixed with a rotten and dead scent.

_Victoria's._

Is this how the wolves' smells us?

There is no time to ponder the question,

_She is here._

I crouch down, my teeth bared.

_I'm gonna kill her,_

She growls.

Her red eyes meet mine.

I roar and am already in mid-air when she speaks, "I wouldn't kill me, if I were you." She grins so devilishly that it makes me want to puke.

_Then came the screams._

Heart-wrenching, merciless and horrific screams.

_Bella..._

"DON'T! HURT! HER!"

Victoria dared to laugh.

_She fucking dared._

"Now, now. Have some manners. We can discuss this in a proper manner."

I growl low in my throat. _Proper manner my ass._

"_Tsk. Tsk._ Now we don't want that, do we?" She snaps her fingers together, and like lightning, I can hear a bone being severely crushed, and a whimper too hurtful to even hear.

_Bella..._

She clicks her fingers again, and again another bone was broken into two. Though this time, there is no whimper. Not a single thing can be heard, the only comfort is that I can hear Bella's fast-paced heart. She's still alive.

_For how long?_

"Now..." Victoria continues, "are you willing to listen to what I have to say, or does poor Bella have to suffer more?"

I don't speak, nor growl. God knows what she'll do to Bella if I even breathe.

She claps her hands together giddily all of a sudden. "Good boy. Now, first question: Where's the precious Edward?"

I don't answer. I can't. Venom is pooling in my mouth, and if I even open it, I know I will fucking spit on her eyes.

"Uh. Uh," she reprimands me. "Where's the manners gone?"

In a slow movement, she draws her hands together, near her chest. Her third finger and thumb move together to make that click...

"Stop..."

She stops.

I feel so tired and angry and frustrated, and _I just want Bella._

"Edward couldn't take the smell of Bella's blood."

"Hmm..." She walks around. "And how could you, Jasper Hale, the most volatile of the Cullens handle it? Pretty ironic and suspicious, if I would say so."

I am getting jittery. My eyes can't stay still. It's either fight or flee, and I can't decide on which.

If I fight, Bella will be dead in a second.

If I flee, it will mean Bella will _still _die... but she will be alone.

With these..._monsters._

What am I gonna do?

"Now, that would be just sad, wouldn't it?"

I can't hear her words. I can't hear a thing.

Bella's heartbeat, fast-paced.

Bella's breathing, labored.

Victoria keeps on talking.

Keeping me at an edge, keeping Bella's life on her fingers.

"I never you that you actually liked the human. She's pathetic, easily-broken, and just very…_human." _She stops moving, stops touching her fingers together.

And faces me dead-on.

"I was there, you know," she spits. Her auburn red hair sticking on her face. Her face is masked with that broken look, and her eyes are wide and staring.

She looks like a broken angel.

But I know she is anything but.

"I was there when you killed James. My strong, handsome James. I saw you tore his head out from off of his body. I saw how much pain you've caused him by putting his legs onto the fire first. Then his arms, then his chest. But he never screamed. _Not. Once_," she whispers. Her eyes are lost in the memories.

She really thinks James loved her, doesn't she?

"And when finally, all that torture was done you faced his head to Bella's broken body and whispered to his ear, _'You will never hurt her again. _And then I saw_you__, _specifically you, throw his head into the fire."

"Into hell." I reply.

She smiles and curls her hair with her fingers. "You tore out my heart that night. And someone's heart will be torn out, too."

It took exactly five and a half seconds for me to process her sentence.

Then,

_NO._

_Oh God, no._

_Please._

_No…_

I hear Victoria laugh maniacally. She throws her head back and laughs at the woods, knowing that she won.

But she doesn't know that no one ever wins when their opponent is _me._

Oh, Victoria is very wrong.

"I wanted Edward for this. But I guess you'll be alright." She claps her hands together. "Well, were almost to the end of the show. Riley! Bring Bella outside, would you?"

I didn't even notice that Bella was inside a house, or that there was even a house in the middle of the forest, of this chaos. The house is made of wood, it is small with a fireplace on the side. It looks homey and I know that Bella would have loved to lived here.

I can hear shuffling from the vampire named Riley and Bella's whimper. After a second or two, the door opens and reveals the two of them.

_Oh my God._

_No..._

_NOOOO!_

There she is, broken, crushed, her beautiful face scarred. There is blood _everywhere. _It's on her skin, her clothes, her hair, even on her mouth. Both of her legs are dislocated and some of her skin is ripped off, showing the bones and veins.

She is broken in every sense of the word.

My legs feel like jelly. My hands can't form a fist. My eyes can't see anything else but Bella's broken body. My nose can't smell anything but Bella's salty tears and blood. My mind has left me.

I am gone.

I am lost.

I couldn't can't make sense of anything.

"Put her onto the ground will you, darling? Just right... there. Next to me, but quite a bit far away. Perfect." Riley drops Bella on her shoulders, making her cry out.

Neither _fucking _cared.

Victoria turns and smiles to Riley. "Thank you, Riley."

"You're welcome, Victoria," replies the blond boy in a dreamy voice.

_So, this is Victoria's pet?_

Riley, based clearly on his feelings, worships Victoria.

And Victoria treats him like trash.

She feels nothing for the boy who is looking at her so dreamily that he will do anything she asks. He is nothing but a pawn to her.

Bella gurgles blood and tries moving her arms, which caused her indescribable pain. She can't even move her fingers.

She is _dying._

It is hard to admit that such a vibrant, powerful, emotional, tiny human is _dying. _But she is.

All of our plans, our dreams of going to Texas, of going _somewhere _together is gone. Like dust, like wind, like the oceans. The dust will always fade away, and the wind will keep on moving,and the seas will keep swaying.

I feel oddly calm to admit that Bella is dying in this moment.

I wonder why.

Victoria moves towards Bella in slow steps.

Taunting me, probably?

Or she just liked the look that I know is currently plastered on my face.

Too bad she is too dumb and vengeful that she doesn't know her whole plan will backfire.

Bella gurgles blood some more when Victoria pushed her hard to sit on her back against the wall of the house.

What shocks me, other than Bella's condition, is when she looked Victoria straight in her red eyes and spit on her face.

With blood and all.

Victoria glares and bares her teeth, but Bella does not cower. She stares at her Victoria hard and long, daring and strong.

With all the broken bones, with all the blood, with all the pain she is feeling, she is still beautiful.

"How does it feel, Bella? To feel so much pain you can barely think. To feel that your body can't work anymore because it is too broken. How does it feel, hmm?" Victoria grabs her hair and pushes her head hard on the wood.

_Crack._

"And how, I wonder, would it feel…" she whispers in her ear, "if your heart was taken out of your body. Ripped apart and bleeding. Oh, I will make you feel what I felt when James died. _I will make you feel._"

Victoria faces me, her red eyes shining.

I can't move. I turn my eyes away from her and look at Bella. She is crying, big fat drops pouring down her bloody cheeks.

"_Jasper…"_

_Don't talk, love._

_It'll only hurt more._

Victoria laughs. "So, little Bella has her last words to say, hmm? Since I'm not that cruel, I'll allow it." Victoria leans into her ear. "Say your last words."

Bella blinks and more tears pour out. I see her arm reach out to me in a very slow movement. Her fingers are broken, and she sobs low in her chest.

"_Look at me."_

I clench my fists. Her voice is cracked and soft, and it drifted to the wind.

_How could she ask this of_ _me? _We both know she is going to die, either at the hands of Victoria, or the torture done to her. She will not survive, not even the venom can heal her now.

"_Please."_

I stop the feelings that are getting out of my chest and look into her eyes.

It is fire.

A light of brown shining fire.

I can't describe it.

It is life, it is love, it is pain.

It is everything that is life.

"_I love you."_

The words are carried by the wind in soothing waves.

_I love you..._

My mouth moves, but it carried no sound.

"_I love you,_ _too..."_

She smiles. Her heart is getting slower, her breathing getting shallower.

She faces Victoria then and says, "_You lose."_

Victoria snaps and roars.

And

then

ripped

Bella's skin

Bella's bones

Bella's life

and took her heart out.

Blood spills everywhere. Into Victoria's face. Into Riley's face.

Into my face.

Then the wolves came.

And nothing matters.

Not when the wolves start tearing Victoria's body bone by bone.

They do not kill her yet.

But nothing matters.

Amidst all the chaos that is happening.

Nobody even glance at Bella's limp, open body sitting against the wall.

Nobody

except me.

She felt no pain when Victoria killed her in that gruesome way.

Bella is already dead.

I can't stop staring at her.

Her eyes are closed and she looks peaceful in the middle of the blood, the screams, the fire in Forks, the hearts that are being broken right now.

She is beautiful.

"Jasper, son? Can you hear me?"

Her hair still sways with the wind.

And I can't help looking back to when I first saw her staring out her window.

She was broken, like now.

She was quiet, like now.

But she was sitting, and even though she was broken, even though she couldn't find a will to live anymore.

She was just sitting still, in beauty.

* * *

**Afterword: **I was quite to post this chapter up...But here it is...the end.

I wasn't quite happy with how Bella died...I wish it wasn't more gory or heartbreaking.

But alas, it has to be done.

You know how authors say they kill off characters to make other characters grow and be stronger? Yeah...I hope you guys understand that _this _has to be done.

I actually cried writing this chapter.

My thoughts are a jumbled mess so everything is not in order.

I wish I had more time writing this scene - but knowing Jasper in his state of mind...He wouldn't even begin to focus on anything else.

So here it is my readers, here it is.

And if anybody asks me a question if she really is dead...She is.

**Also, remember how I started with a poem called Caged Bird by Maya Angelou? Yeah...I think you should read that poem again...To help you guys understand it better... **

Alright, I'm done with my ranting...

I'll go cry with my soft pillow now.

Epilogue is coming.


	39. Epilogue

**Foreword: **All will be said in the afterword/acknowledgements.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Bella was buried three weeks later.

The procession was beautiful. White flowers and a beautiful sunny day.

It oddly reminded me of her.

Everybody in the town of Forks was mourning. A whole street burnt to the ground, sixteen people dead and ten others injured.

It was wrong, but it felt comforting that I wasn't the only one grieving.

"Well, that's the last of it. Jasper, are you ready?" asked Esme downstairs.

Everything was packed and boxed away. My history books, Alice's clothes, Emmett's Playstation, even Edward's grand piano was nowhere to be found in this house.

It was time again.

Time to move and start a new life.

_When will the cycle stop?_

Humans had the best luck. They were free and not trapped. There was always going to be something new to wait for. Like growing up and having kids.

Even dying, there will always be something new for them.

I breathed in deeply.

It still hurt.

It felt like my chest was cracking and venom was pooling around those cracks.

But I was _trying._

I was trying so fucking hard to move on because that was what she wanted. That would have made her happy.

And it took time to realize that.

Because all I wanted was to die.

Because I wanted it to end.

Because I loved her so badly and I couldn't stand to lose her.

Because that's just what you feel when you lose somebody that shaped you, made you become the person who you wanted to be, made you become the person that you _knew _you could be.

And if you lost that person, the one giving you that hope, faith and will.

What was left?

But maybe God, or whoever is upstairs, was planning something just for you. Maybe if that person had done her job and had done it good.

Maybe it was time for them to leave that person and see how they can handle the world.

I thought vampires had it easy. We had an eternity to know the world we live in. But unlike the world which is always changing, we vampires don't.

I smiled, not that camera-smile. Just a smile because you have nothing else to say.

"I'm coming, Esme."

"_Jasper..."_

I forced myself to calm the grief and pain and unfairness overtaking me.

It was time to face the world without Bella.

It was time to prove to Bella, and to myself, that I could be what I knew I could be. Because I think God never wanted us to hang on to another person.

We were made as _one. _Not two, or three.

But one.

"_I love you…"_

I looked at the window, through the woods.

I hoped she was happy.

I hoped she found peace.

I hoped she was strong.

"JASPER! I swear if you don't come down in the next three seconds I will make you wear the shoes I know you don't like!"

It was time to face it alone.

"_I love you, Jasper."_

"I'm coming."

* * *

**Invictus**

**By: William Ernest Henley**

Out of the night that covers me,  
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods may be  
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance  
I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
Under the bludgeonings of chance  
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
And yet the menace of the years  
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charged with punishments the scroll.  
I am the master of my fate:  
I am the captain of my soul.

* * *

**Afterword/Acknowledgements: **

I know that SSIB wasn't the best story out there. It probably had a lot of grammar mistakes, unanswered questions or maybe an unbelievable plot, but to the people who reviewed and supported SSIB, I thank you with all my heart. **You have no idea how much your support and kind words had helped me finish this piece of rubbish. Please know that you guys have a place in my heart.**

**To Brittany, who is my Beta/Editor/Friend/Supporter – I don't really know what to call her – well, I thank her too. This girl was simply amazing. I didn't hear a complaint or anything when she was editing this rubbish. Not. One. Thing.**

To myself, (Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking), well...you made it.** YOU ACTUALLY FINISHED A STORY, GIRL!** You have no idea how proud I am of you. I know sometimes we feel that we couldn't finish this piece of junk, but WE DID! Even with all the grammatical errors, the sick-twisted plots...we actually did it. I know we'll remember SSIB – it was the story that made us cry, made us confident, and made us the person that we are/I am now.

**SSIB wasn't supposed to be just a love story of Bella and Jasper.** In the world we live today, and the books we read every day, we always see love between two people and the challenges that they face and in the end of the book, after all the challenges, the hardships and the tears are over, they get a happy ending.

But we know real life isn't like that at all.

**In the poem at the beginning of the book, I put 'Caged Bird' for I think that depicted what Bella and Jasper really were. And in the poem that we see in the ending of the book, both Jasper and Bella are free. Unconquerable. Invictus.**

And now, for the last acknowledgement I will give.

**Thank you to my Year 10, English teacher, whose passion and kindness in teaching the subject almost made me cry. She inspired me to put the two poems in this bookand she made me realize what Bella's and Jasper's feelings were. In Part One, both just wanted to be free – though they didn't actually know that they wanted to be free. And in Part Two, we see the change now. They are now invictus.** To my English teacher, if you're reading this. Thank you for inspiring me by your teachings, I'm sorry that SSIB had grammatical errors and wasn't the best, but I hope your heart is filled with pride because you inspired me.

Thank you all.


End file.
